The UVHL Lumberjacks entered the league in 2014-15 promising to “establish dominance.”

That was adorable.

Originally assembled as a motley collection of UVHL all-stars, B-leaguers and assorted hockey refugees, the Jacks were captained by Marc “The Narc” Gattie, Jay “The Zamboni” Zanleoni and Jordan “McBreakaway” McGee — three men who abandoned their previous franchises and immediately gave the Lumberjacks the UVHL's first expansion roster built almost entirely through witness protection.

More than a decade later, the names have changed, the knees have deteriorated and the chainsaw occasionally requires several pulls to get started, but the Lumberjacks remain one of the UVHL's great mysteries.

They can beat anybody.

They can lose to anybody.

And there's roughly a 40% chance they'll attempt either with eight skaters.

Welcome to The Chainsaw Crew.

Last season wasn't exactly a parade through downtown Quechee. The Jacks finished 4-7-2, spent much of the winter hovering dangerously close to the UVHL basement and eventually drew the Gamblers in the playoffs — essentially the hockey equivalent of surviving a plane crash only to discover you've landed inside a volcano.

But the record doesn't quite tell the Lumberjack story.

Nathan “DeRoofa” DeLuca emerged as the engine of the offense, piling up 23 points and occasionally dragging the entire franchise behind him like a sled full of firewood. Alex Kimbell added 16 points, while Neil MacKenzie quietly continued doing useful hockey things without demanding that anyone write a paragraph about him.

Unfortunately, here we are.

Then there's Luke “Spiceman” McCormick.

Part goaltender. Part forward. Part emergency response system.

Spiceman spent much of last season standing behind an increasingly adventurous Lumberjack defense wondering what exactly he had done in a previous life to deserve this. Yet when the Jacks needed him most, he delivered — including a 26-save performance in a 5-1 win over Tuck and a shutout of the Mustangs during the legendary Beavers in the Crease affair.

And somehow, through multiple generations of Lumberjack hockey, Jordan “McBreakaway” McGee is still wandering around out there.

McGee scored the lone goal in last season's opening-night 6-1 beating by the Whalers, proving that while the Lumberjacks may age, certain things remain eternal:

Jordan McGee.

A breakaway.

And everyone on the bench screaming “OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, HERE WE GO.”

The Lumberjacks have become the UVHL's ultimate survivalists. Short bench? Fine. Injuries? Whatever. Two-goal lead blown in the third? Expected. Need a standings point with eight guys and one functioning hamstring?

One Line. One Prayer. Fire Up the Chainsaw.

That's Lumberjack hockey.

They aren't flashy. They aren't young. They aren't particularly interested in making this easy on themselves.

But dismiss them at your own risk.

Because every once in a while the old chainsaw catches, DeLuca starts buzzing, McCormick shuts the door, McGee gets loose on another goddamn breakaway and suddenly the team everybody sp