UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Lumberjacks stink. That's all. Carry on.

My mind is really struggling here.  You look at that Lumberjack's roster and see some UVHL legends, then you look at their recent games and it just doesn't make sense.   Jordy "McNasty" McGee...3rd all time in points(484) and goals(236), Jay "The Zamboni" Zanleoni...8th all time in points(250pts), "Thrillin" Dillan Pierce...16th all time in points(200pts) and Marc "The Narc" Gattie...9th all-time(181pts).  Add in Timmy "General" Patton(132pts in 84 games) and their neminder Ryan "The Libido" Libbey(8th all time in Wins) and there is a legacy here that is not being lived up to.

The Jacks have embarrassed themselves, their uniforms(fugly uniforms at that), their families, the UVHL and hockey in general.  Time to step up and play some 3 zone hockey and time to stop hanging Libbey out to dry.

The Mustangs on the other hand, new to the UVHL, do not have that cherished history.  Chris "Wartime" Warrington tops the list at #153 with 34 career points in 26 career games.  Followed by Pat Doherty(#308 - 12pts in 11gp) & Craig Switzer(#325 - 11pts in 11gp).  But the Mustangs are new to the league and have some high end talent in Schuyler "The Tower" St. Germain(8pts in 3gp), Matt Derouchie(6pts in 4gp) and "Mad" Max Gavin(4pts in 2gp).  Their goaltender Colin Farr has been From Good, posting a 1-3-0 record and a 5.50 gaa.  Rumor has it that even Kelly Park beat him on a breakaway in a Sunday Night pickup.  Terrible.

The Mudge Brothers have built a team with talent, but can they play as a team and take down the Lumberjacks?  Vegas thinks so, and vegas has also reported that the Lumberjack's heart and sole captain/player/gm/fluffer Jay Zanleoni is out with a foot injury.

Mustangs win this one 7-5.

Lumberjacks Rebound with 7-1 Win Over Mustangs

There were roster additions and number changes in this one as the Lumberjacks were light and added two Whalers to their roster for the evening: Ean Small and Christian Scott to give them 9 total. Once again, their 6th or 7th best player, Captain Jay Zaneloni was absent, and without enough jerseys to go around. There were two #14’s, albeit one was Small in a #14 black Bruins jersey, and Scott in at least an all yellow #30. The Ageless Scottie Shaw made his second game in a row for the ‘Jacks proving his genetic superiority recovering from last week’s game in under a week for a repeat performance. The Mustangs were spot on and organized tonight (THANK YOU!) sending over all new players and jersey number changes and one new guy to the scorekeeper’s box before the game, so we had it all nailed down by the first puck drop. The “Ever Elusive, Mysterious and Very Sexual” #14 for the Mustangs made an official documented appearance tonight. Revealing his identity as a Gamblers player filling in, I feel it is best for it to remain a secret, at least for now. In addition, the “Original” Max Gavin made it to the game not impersonating Chris Warrington tonight, who himself did not appear in this one to the Mustangs’ detriment. No fans were in the stands in this one, so I had to rock to the UVHL playlist myself in the box. Not like the two fans were dancing, singing or doing the wave in the first game, mind you, but I do want everyone to have a good time, eh.

It was the “Original” Max Gavin who put the first potential shot on goal high over the blocker side of Libbey in the Lumberjacks net. Jordan “One Man Show” McGee missed the ‘Stangs net low to the stick side for a chance for the ‘Jacks. The first legit SOG was at 11:38 by the Mustangs. There were two late comers to the game waiting by the players’ gate for a stoppage of play, one from each team, to join their teammates a few minutes in. On the first scoring play, Maggie LaGue lost the puck at her own blue line and Nick “Player of the Game” Hall made her pay with an unassisted effort and sweeeet shot over the blocker of Farr to make it 1-0 at 9:43. The Mustangs answered less than a minute later at 8:41 when Will Mudge solved Libbey assisted by Greg Dadekian. The Mustangs welcomed “New Guy” David Bartlett to their roster tonight bringing up the average age of the team by at least 7. Shots were 9-2 in favor of the ‘Jacks at the end of the first.

OFFICIAL NOTICE TO ALL PLAYERS AND CAPTAINS:

Between periods I had to sort out who the fuck was on the Lumberjacks. Different players, different jerseys, etc., with no pre-game notification. It delayed the game. I’m FUCKING over it, guys. FROM NOW ON if I have to leave the scorebox to sort out who is who, or who is wearing what jersey, that team is going to be assessed a DELAY OF GAME PENALTY. I hope that is crystal fucking clear. I informed a responsible Gamblers player of this and said that I would put it in each write up as notification to all captains and players. I appreciate your cooperation in helping the games run smoothly each night. Please have all new players or jersey number changes reported to me BEFORE THE GAME STARTS. Thanks, eh.

As the 2nd period progressed, I noticed a slower pace to this game compared to the early game. Shaw was sent to the box early on at 13:34 for tripping, but the Mustangs couldn’t generate jack shit without Warrington quarterbacking the PP. Jamal Sabky made a nice breakout for the ‘Stangs and got the eventual shot right off the mask of Libbey in the ‘Jacks net. Libbey needed a few minutes to gather himself but eventually was able to continue. He’s a hockey player, eh! Libbey returned to the net with the sound of slapping sticks by both squads. This is not to dismiss or diminish the potential seriousness of a concussion with my 1980’s comment above. We really were in the dark ages back then about concussions… I remember thinking during class at undergrad and chiropractic college how backwards we were regarding concussions and traumatic brain injuries. We’ve come a LONG way in the last 15 years. No longer do we just tell a patient or player to rest in a dark room until it goes away or to “Get back out there, you just had your bell rung” anymore, Thank God. We have concussion protocols for middle school athletics. There are actually things you can do to facilitate a good and far better recovery in much less time now. I don’t mean to get on a soap box, but it is relevant at this time. Players CAN exercise, read, watch TV, etc., right after a concussion provided that they stop immediately when symptoms return and rest. There are nutritional modifications that help the brain recover better. Neural rehabilitation with eye and visual field exercises and modern lasers (I have one) accelerate recovery and create new and better pathways. Lasers also bring down the inflammation from the concussion and make the brain produce a more of a chemical that protects the good neurons that are left (for some of us that means the ONE neuron that is left, but I’m not naming names…). In any case, Libbey showed what all tough hockey players show: toughness and a willingness to compete until they can’t. I hope a post-game beer cured all ailments from the hit to the melon, Ryan. On the very next play Farr made a great glove save at the other end. Ean “Its Not Really” Small fed Jordan “Just Like Mike” McGee for a go-ahead goal at 7:19. Soon after Small had a good chance of his own 1-on-1 and then a second chance on the rebound. Jamal “Super Skilled” Sabky missed the net on a 3-on-2 chance for the Mustangs and then Scott “The Ageless Wonder” Shaw had a great chance at the other end. The pace of this game was picking up. The ‘Jacks added to their lead making it 3-1 at 3:59 with Hall feeding linemate Neil McKenzie and Hall getting his 2nd point of the game already. A nice break by the M’s, without Warrington, led to a good chance and a nice save by Libbey’s R pad kept it a 2-goal lead. Cline then made another nice save on Small who was having a big game himself in relief on the ‘Jacks tonight. I honestly love seeing the camaraderie between teams and good sportsmanship allowing other UVHers to fill empty spots on a light squad on some nights. Not to be outdone, Farr made a great save on McGee coming across the crease attempting to go 5-holio on a breakaway pass fed by none other than Small. Scottie Shaw added to his totals scoring with just 30 seconds left in the period from all-time UVHL great Jordan McGee. The score was 4-1 and shot totals 18-13 all I favor of the Lumberjacks at the end of the 2nd.

In the 3rd, with a Lumberjacks player in the box (reported as #20, but I don’t remember who the fuck it was.. I’m sure Kelly will have it sorted in the official stats – thanks, Kelly!), David “New Old Guy” Bartlett made a horrible half-whiff on a shot on the Mustangs ensuing PP. You have ONE job.. hit the fucking net, eh. I must note new ref Bill “Bad Boy” Mann did a great job in both games tonight. I hadn’t met Bill before tonight and have no background on if he’s reffed or played in the UVie before. In any case, you’re welcome back anytime, Billy! Nice work, eh. However, the Mustangs did generate 3 SOG’s on the PP, more than most teams had on their PP’s tonight, and they had good scoring chances and Libbey had to remain sharp. At 10:10 Nick “Doc Used To Coach Me In Hanover Midgets And Taught Me Everything I Know About Hockey” Hall got yet another unassisted goal showcasing his talents giving McGee a run for his money tonight for his 3rd point of the contest. There was lots of back and forth play during the middle of this period, but with no shots on goal at either end. McKenzie put a shot high over the net illustrating yet again that forwards have but one main job… BUT… McKenzie fed Hall for his 4th point of the night to complete the Hat Trick with 5:27 to go. It was 6-1 and the game was clearly already won. The ‘Jacks had a 3-on-2 and didn’t get a shot on goal even after some great passes by the mysterious #20’s linemates. Apologies, but I have no idea who #20 was for the ‘Jacks tonight. I thought I got it all sorted after the 1st period but I didn’t. My bad. With just 2:29 left it was “Big” Ean Small scoring after a nice feed by Jordan “Mr. Everything” McGee to finish the it up at 7-1 Lumberjacks and McGee’s 3rd point of the night. Shot totals finished 29-22 for the ‘Jacks.

MVP? How could it be anyone other than Nick Hall with a Hat Trick and an assist, and two of the goals coming off of unassisted efforts? McGee gets the second nod with a 3-point night and Libbey an honorable mention for being able to stay in the game without any noticeable deleterious side effects after getting hit in the head with a wicked shot by Sabky. Did I mention that I coached Nick back in 1998 and 1999 and taught him everything that he knows about hockey? If you believe that then you might believe that I actually got a goal in every UVHL season I played… I did not, in fact, but I did coach Nick back in the day.

LVP? The Mustangs are a completely different team without Warrington on the back end. They sorely missed his great defensive skills and carrying of the play out of the zone with passes or carrying it out himself. Nobody sucked, it’s just that Warrington’s absence was clearly noticeable.

POST-GAME:
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I went straight into the Mustangs locker room, grabbed a beverage, and sat my ass down to get to know this team I knew absolutely nothing about. As it turns out, it was another player I coached back in 1998, Dave Sutton, on the Hanover split-season Midgets, that started this franchise. They originated in the Mud League and became a Sunday Night Campion League team, which they remain, and were coerced to join the UVie. Will Mudge actually played on one of the UVHL’s original franchises, the Bruins, back in the day 19-20 years ago. Sorry I didn’t remember that, Will. At one point I knew every UVHLer in the league. Colin Farr, the Mustangs’ goaltender, played on my former team the Nordiques a year or two after I retired replacing co-founder JT in net. Farr played at Hanover High. One of Dave Sutton’s teammates, Greg Dadekian, played alongside him at Hanover High back in the day as well. So, this is a Hanover based team from the get go. Greg also works with a blast from the past and Sunday Night Hockey at Hartford former player, Bruce Hathorn. I asked Greg to say hi to Bruce for me. I can’t believe they let Bruce be a teacher… Oh, what they don’t know about teachers away from school… The ever elusive, mysterious, and very sexual #14 on the Mustangs from last week was revealed to be Gamblers forward Raymond Nolan who was wearing #40 tonight. We talked hockey in the Upper Valley, compliments and complaints were aired about all leagues, we talked about who knew who, who played with who, where they play now and back in the day. It was good finally getting to know some of these guys. I finished the night at Applebee’s alone and devoid of any other UVHLers, but as I mentioned in the early game write up; two consistent Whalers players, “The Fantastic and Fabulous” Dan Fenton and Teddy “The Mothman” Puplilla, made it to the bar post-game. You guys are racking up some serious post-game awards, eh! Lexi took great care of me at the bar keeping my Diet Pepsi and ranch dressing full as I pounded down two orders of boneless buffalo tenders and an entire stalk of celery. Hopefully, I’ll see some of you fuckers post-game next week!

Respectfully submitted,

McDefense, aka HKYDOC