UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

It’s a battle for pride, redemption, and a shot at avoiding the league basement as the Tuck Law School Turduckens (2-5-1) host the Mustangs (2-8-0). While this series has been relatively tight (Mustangs lead 3-2), neither team has shown much interest in climbing the standings this season. Still, both squads have a flair for the ridiculous, and we’re expecting fireworks—or at least a couple of bench-clearing arguments over parking lot etiquette post-game.

The History: Ducks vs. Horses

This series has been a coin toss, with each game resembling a completely different sport. The Mustangs took the most recent meeting back in November, a 4-1 stifling where goalie Colin Farr briefly convinced people he might be sober. On the flip side, Tuck has also handed the Mustangs an 8-2 blowout in the not-too-distant past, a game so lopsided the Mustangs considered taking up croquet. The all-time series sits at 3-2 in favor of the Mustangs, but don’t count on history being a predictor—both teams are equally capable of brilliance and disaster.

Players to Watch

• Maclean Lalor (Tuck): With 12 points this season, Lalor has been Tuck’s lone bright spot. Rumor has it he plays better when insulted mid-game, so expect the Mustangs to chirp mercilessly.


• Jamal Sabky (Mustangs): Sabky has quietly put up 8 points and once claimed to have “the hands of Pavel Datsyuk and the knees of a retiree.” Let’s see which version shows up tonight.


• David Husband (Tuck): If Tuck wins, chances are Husband will be in the mix. He’s the league’s leading expert in ugly-but-effective goals.


• Dylan Parker (Mustangs): Known for his ability to clear the puck—and take out his own teammates in the process—Parker’s contributions are unpredictable but always entertaining.

The X-Factor

Goaltending will be key. Can Colin Farr avoid his signature “Oh no, I forgot I’m a goalie” moments? Will Jenkins Marshall hold up against the occasional Mustangs rush? With both teams averaging over 30 shots against per game, expect the goalies to play a major role in deciding who comes out on top.

Odds and Prediction

Odds: Tuck (-115), Mustangs (-105)
Over/Under: 8.5 goals

Our prediction? Tuck takes this one 6-5 in a shootout after a chaotic, penalty-filled slugfest. Lalor gets the winner, and Sabky claims post-game that he “totally had the assist” on all five Mustangs goals.