UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Jacks & Stangs....Round 2

Lumberjacks Dominate Mustangs, 7-3

Game Recap: Lumberjacks 7, Mustangs 3
Date: December 4th, 2024
Location: Mustang Ice Arena

Mustangs Look Like Glue Factory Material as Lumberjacks Roll 7-3

The Lumberjacks (3-3-0) stomped the Mustangs (2-4-0) in a game that was less hockey and more a live demonstration of why defensive zone drills are important. Nathan “DeRoofa” DeLuca put on a clinic with 4 goals and an assist, while Zach “Dangerous” Dayno and Neil “Mac Attack” MacKenzie carved through the Mustangs’ defense like a chainsaw through wet plywood.

1st Period: A Defensive Dumpster Fire for the Mustangs

The Lumberjacks wasted no time reminding everyone why the Mustangs’ defense is about as sturdy as a wet napkin.

• 1-0 (14:29): Just 31 seconds in, MacKenzie hit DeLuca with a cross-ice pass, and DeLuca split the D like they were parting the Red Sea. He finished with a forehand-backhand over Colin “C-Money” Farr, who was likely rethinking all his life choices.


• 2-0 (1:46): Matt Derouchie threw a pizza up the middle, and Nico Brands graciously accepted the delivery. Brands fed Greg “Marshmallow” Marsh in the slot, who poked in his own rebound. Meanwhile, the Mustangs’ defense stood around like they were admiring their skate laces.


• 3-0 (1:33): Just 13 seconds later, Dayno turned Rob “Tony The Tiger” Kellogg into a viral blooper reel, dangling him before casually sliding a backhander through Farr’s five-hole. Somewhere, Tony the Tiger cried.

End of the 1st: Lumberjacks 3, Mustangs 0
Shots: Lumberjacks 17, Mustangs 6
Fun Fact: Farr now has the legal right to kick every one of his teammates in the shin for that first period.

2nd Period: The Beatdown Continues

The Lumberjacks picked up right where they left off, putting the Mustangs into an even deeper hole.

• 4-0 (14:44): Zanleoni fed Marsh backdoor, and Marsh crashed into Farr before depositing the puck into the empty net. The Mustangs argued for goalie interference, but the ref probably thought, “They’re getting crushed anyway. Let’s just move on.”


• 5-0 (9:42): A tic-tac-toe play between MacKenzie, Dayno, and DeLuca was so pretty it could’ve been on a wedding cake. DeLuca’s one-timer from a sharp angle left Farr shaking his head in disbelief.

• 6-0 (6:27): DeLuca completed his hat trick with a laser from the bottom of the circle off a slick pass from Jordy “Magic Man” McGee. At this point, Farr was filing an HR complaint against his defense.

Finally, the Mustangs showed signs of life:

• 6-1 (0:16): Will “The Thrill” Mudge tipped a Greg “The Armenian Assassin” Dadekian shot past Luke “The Spiceman” McCormick, breaking the shutout and restoring a shred of Mustang dignity.

End of the 2nd: Lumberjacks 6, Mustangs 1
Shots: Lumberjacks 35, Mustangs 19
Fun Fact: The Lumberjacks had more goals than the Mustangs had quality defensive plays through 40 minutes.

3rd Period: Mustangs Try, But It’s Too Little, Too Late

The Mustangs started the final frame with some energy, but the Lumberjacks weren’t about to let up.

• 6-2 (12:14): Derouchie redeemed himself (a little) with a breakaway backhander through McCormick’s five-hole after a rare Lumberjacks turnover. Nico Brands gets a participation ribbon for deflecting the puck to Derouchie.


• 7-2 (9:52): Another beauty from DeLuca, who took a saucer pass from MacKenzie, faked out Farr with a forehand-backhand move, and chipped it into the net. The Mustangs’ bench started Googling “How to play defense.”


• 7-3 (6:10): Schuyler St. Germaine did the heavy lifting below the goal line, setting up James “Baker’s Dozen” Baker, who deked past a defender and slid it home. The Mustangs celebrated like they’d just won the Stanley Cup.

End of Regulation: Lumberjacks 7, Mustangs 3
Shots: Lumberjacks 41, Mustangs 34

Three Stars:

1. Nathan “DeRoofa” DeLuca – 4 goals, 1 assist, countless broken Mustang dreams.


2. Zach “Dangerous” Dayno – 1 goal, 3 assists, and a certified Mustang killer.


3. Greg “Marshmallow” Marsh – 2 goals, proving size and skill make a lethal combo.

Post-Game Quotes:

• Luke McCormick: “Yeah, they got three goals, but I only cared about DeLuca getting four. That’s the real stat line.”


• Colin Farr: “If I had to stop every breakaway, I’d be in the Hall of Fame by now.”


• Nathan DeLuca: “When the defense plays like that, it’s like a free skate session. Thanks, Mustangs!”

The Aftermath:

The Lumberjacks climb back to .500 with a dominant performance, solidifying their top line as one of the most dangerous in the league. The Mustangs, meanwhile, continue to plummet, as their defensive issues remain more obvious than a goalie’s water bottle on the top shelf.

Lesson of the night: If you give the Lumberjacks space, they’ll bury you—over, and over, and over again.