UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

ODDS:	Tuck by 3 goals
OVER/UNDER:	7.5 goals

Week 17 starts off with a winner as the two teams in an upward swing faceoff against one another. The team previously known as the "Doormat of the UVHL" that started off 1-9-1 this season, has gone 3-1-1 in their last 5 games including solid wins over the Gamblers (3-2 SO), Dead River (3-2) & the Nordiques (4-3) as well as a shootout loss to the team they face off against tonight Tuck. The Tuckies boast a 4-1 record in that span with a 7-2 spanking of the Nordiques, 6-2 spanking of Dead River and tight 2-1 win over the Brew Crew.

The Whaler's aren't going to score 5 goals a game, but will beat you on shear heart & desire. Their top line of Scotty "Hacksaw" Shaw, Jay "Zambeauty" Zanleoni & Stevie "Bunyons" Bernier have really gelled after a rocky start to the season. Throw in the quietest man in the upper valley, Joey "The Mute" Hayes centering the 2nd line and the most hated man-child in the northeast in Sean "Liam Oliver" Avery their forecheck is like a million little nats that just won't quit. Their defense has solidified over the past few weeks and locked down around Kenny "Just For Men" Lallier who has been spectacular as of late.

Tuck has been playing the best hockey out of any team these past few weeks. They use a revolutionary dual-goaltender system that picks the starter each week on a very sophisticated algorithm based on a bottle of tequila, a matchbook, 2 giant cucumbers & a gallon of sweet & sour sauce. Their are solid from net through both sets of lines and will pose a huge challenge for the Whale this week.

If the Whalers want to be successful, they will have to shut down NHL quality breakout Tuck has been practicing in Ryan "The Govenator" McGovern's living room.

My Prediction.....Tuck 5, WhaleTale 2

Tuck wins SNOWGATE: 6-4

In what has now been emblazoned in UVHL history as SNOWGATE, we saw a solid game between the surging Whalers & surefire Tuckies. Tuck walked away with a 6-4 win but had to battle the entire night for the "W". The Whalers have turned from a happy go luck bunch of lovable losers that just wanted to show up, play and hit the bar to an ultra-competitive and intense team. The change has made the league that much better, much to the dismay of any ref that may cross them or make a call that doesn't go their way.....hence SNOWGATE. The incident happened just over halfway through the 3rd period when Tuck's James Colin "Killer" Carrihill stormed in on Lallier who was covering up a dump-in at the top of his crease. Carrihill clamped down, looking for a lucky bounce and stopped right in front of Lallier, spraying some snow in the meantime and rising the entire Whaler's bench in a bitch fest. On the ensuing faceoff the Whaler's immediately iced the puck the length of the ice and on net. The only play for Tuck's Kenning was to cover the puck up as Scotty "Snowball" Shaw was barreling down on him at full speed and covered Kenning in an epic snow job that required a pair of shovels & a blow torch to dig him out. The teams gathered to show their indifference and the game continued without any calls, but the mood of the game had changed for the worse and started to get a bit out of hand until a matching penalty had been called a few minutes later.

The truth behind SNOWGATE seems to have started earlier in the period with whom else but Liam "Sean Avery's Annoying Little Brother" Oliver. In a similar play to both snowing incidents, Oliver headed to the net in an aggressive way, as he always does, and bumped into Kenning 4 seconds after the whistle had clearly blown. The play did not go unnoticed by Tuck who chirped from the bench for the refs to watch the unnecessary actions around their goaltender.

One unnamed Tuckie had this to say about Oliver: "Liam 'Sean Avery' Oliver continues to be the most over-the-top, absurdly chippy player in the UVie and I can't wrap my head around him or his bi-polar antics. One moment he's offering up some legitimately friendly banter before a faceoff, the next he's trailing the play with his stick between your legs or slew-footing you in front of your own net. He's telling your goalie he made a nice save, then five seconds later he's got the butt-end of his stick four inches into your winger's armpit off the draw. He unnecessarily barges through a scrum around your net to "tower" (and I use that term lightly) over your goalie a half-minute after the whistle like he's in the NHL, and then later you see him meet up for a tender moment with a femme fatale immediately after the game without even pausing to take his skates off. The point is -- at times Oliver seems like he's trying to be a regular guy, but all too often he resorts to the kind of nonsense that makes him the most hated man in the league. All we can do at this point is pray for him. Pray he gets bit by something, like a kid from some third-world country or a bug who landed here on a rock from outer space, and now he%u2019s gonna have some terrifying disease where he ends up behind sheets of plastic and guarded by Marines." Unfortunately this great description of Oliver falls on deaf ears over at Whaler's camp where they defend him like he is the second coming of Crosby, and ultimately believe that there is a league wide conspiracy to mess with the "poor innocent kid" instead of looking at the cheap shots on Oliver as possible retaliation for one of the many liberties he takes behind the play. The Whalers also like to ignore the fact that games seem to go much smoother when Oliver takes a night off.

Regardless of Oliver's antics on the ice, this was a great game from the initial faceoff as both teams swapped a pair of goals in the first for a 2-2 draw in the frame. Both of Tuck's goals came off of the stick of James "Stevie Bates" Hay assisted from his brother from another mother Stevie "James Hay" Bates as Hay tucked both goals under the Whaler's Lallier from the top of the crease. Joey "The Mute" Hayes added his 3rd of the season and Colin "Mount" Vernon tied the game at 2 with 3:26 to play.

Tuck jumped out to a 4-2 lead on a pair of goals just 40 seconds apart in the 2nd period. The first came from Bates on a pass from Andrew "Overw"Helming at 10:04 quickly followed by a Derek Nowak goal assisted by Halsey "Turn Your Head And" Coughlin and Johnny "The Big Red Dog" Clifford. Tuck had the only 2 goals of the period and seemed to be shifting into overdrive as they carried the play for most of the period.

Scotty "Snowman" Shaw brought the Whale back into the game after finishing a nice pass from Stevie "Wonder" Bernier at 11:01, but let up a Tuckie goal on the next shift in what seems to be an unfortunate trend for the Whalers. "Overwhelming" Helming (Sounds like a Garbage Pail Kid) gave Tuck back the 2 goal lead on the power play as Jay "Zamboni" Zanleoni sat in the box for laying out Simon "The Bum Looker" McKay at 10:24. Helming scored with a high blast from the point through traffic that found the upper right corner. A great individual play from Jonny "Ribbed Trojan" Stallsmith got the Whalers back within one with 8:39 to play as he picked off a pass at his own blue line and stormed down the near boards, cut around the defensemen and tried going five-hole on Kenning. Kenning made the initial save without even moving but the rebound bounced right back to Stally who snapped the rebound under a diving Kenning. But again, Tuck came right back on the next shift with Nowak's 2nd of the game and 17th goal in 14 games this season. Nowak's goal directly preceded SNOWGATE, and the rest of the game was history as Tuck walked away with a solid 6-4 win.

Thanks to Ryan "The Govenator" McGovern for some witty game notes ("SNOWGATE", "OVERWHELMING HELMING" & "AVERY COMMENTS")

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
1st PERIOD
TCK	12:21	Goal	Hay, James(13)	Assist(s): Bates, Steve(7) Cape, Tony(1)
WHL	10:47	Goal	Hayes, Joe(3)	Assist(s): Leger, Scott(4)
TCK	10:22	Goal	Hay, James(14)	Assist(s): Bates, Steve(8) McGovern, Ryan(15)
WHL	03:26	Goal	Vernon, Colin(3)	Assist(s): Bernier, Steve(4) Zanleoni, Jay(11)
2nd PERIOD
TCK	10:04	Goal	Bates, Steve(3)	Assist(s): Helming, Andrew(11)
TCK	09:24	Goal	Nowak, Derek(9)	Assist(s): Coughlin, Halsey(10) Clifford, John(5)
3rd PERIOD
WHL	11:01	Goal	Shaw, Scott(10)	Assist(s): Bernier, Steve(5) Clauson, Sean(5)
WHL	10:23	Penalty	Zanleoni, Jay(5)	2 minutes for Body Checking
TCK	10:04	Goal	Helming, Andrew(6)	Assist(s): Nowak, Derek(13)
WHL	08:39	Goal	Stallsmith, Jonathan(1)	Assist(s): none
TCK	07:01	Goal	Nowak, Derek(10)	Assist(s): McGovern, Ryan(16)
WHL	05:48	Penalty	Oliver, Liam(7)	2 minutes for Roughing
TCK	05:48	Penalty	Cape, Tony(3)	2 minutes for Roughing

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Game Comments:
JTStally Hanover, NH Registered: Posts: 159	3 goal spread? Feb 8th, 2010 08:38 PM I'm excited for this one. The Whale has been playing much better lately and has finally started to close out games. This is a big chance to prove ourselves against one of the league's top teams. The last matchup between the two teams came down to a shootout and forgive me for being mildly offended that the spread is 3 goals, but I'm anticipating a game that comes down to the last few minutes, like most of the recent Whalers' games. It might count against us though that Park-ed In The Penalty Box if reffing, as I'm sure he'll be looking for a make-up whistle for his late trip to the sin bin last week that resulted in a W for the W.
kpark Quechee, VT Registered: Dec 2003 Posts: 723	stally! Feb 8th, 2010 09:10 PM IN RESPONSE TO: BY: JTStally I'm excited for this one. The Whale has been playing much better lately and has finally started to close out games. This is a big chance to prove ourselves against one of the league's top teams. The last matchup between the two teams came down to a shootout and forgive me for being mildly offended that the spread is 3 goals, but I'm anticipating a game that comes down to the last few minutes, like most of the recent Whalers' games. It might count against us though that Park-ed In The Penalty Box if reffing, as I'm sure he'll be looking for a make-up whistle for his late trip to the sin bin last week that resulted in a W for the W. HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME of taking last week out on you guys. But thanks for reminding me, I actually went to my shrink on Wednesday and had him hypnotize me and completely wipe my memory of last Tuesday. That was the only way to get me off of suicide watch....but now I have this box cutter in my hand......and I'm really sad thinking about last weeks game.....asshole! KP
McG Hanover, NH Registered: Posts: 47	Algorithm says... Feb 9th, 2010 03:50 PM Steve "They Killed" Kenning in net tonight. Spread moves to 4 now, sorry Stally.
JTStally Hanover, NH Registered: Posts: 159	Touche Govenator Feb 9th, 2010 04:41 PM I did promise 5 goals the next time we faced Yacey, but I guess we won't get the chance tonight. Good to see that even his own teammates question how far over the hill he is, though. Remember when Yacey used to be good!? Or, maybe, the bigger question is remember when Dartmouth used to be good?...Back when it had Yacey!