UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

ODDS:	Whalers by 2
OVER/UNDER:	8.5 goals

This could be the defining moment of the season for both of these teams. If Tuck loses, they should just throw in the towel and fall into a deep dark hole of misery and alcohol induced self pity. Nothing against the Whalers, who have been playing better hockey each week, but Tuck is winless this season boasting a horrific line of 0-4-0 with a -17 goals differential (19 GF, 76 GA). With the loss of Adam "Preying" Mantin to a knee injury, Tuck will need to do a gut check for some leaders to produce. But their biggest problem lies in their own end, where their defense has been suspect and goaltending questionable. This is not a bad team, but they just need to redefine themselves as a defensive unit, focused on their own end.

The Whalers(2-2-0) are following the leader, Kenny "Le Biscuit" Lallier, who was spectacular last week with 32 saves in a 4-2 win over the solid Brewers. Lallier needs more scoring to help to take some of the pressure off of those old shoulders of his. Jim "Zdeno" LeClair has been a good addition up front, adding some help to the talented Joey "The Mute" Hayes, Todd "The Rat" Nalette, Dave "The Fister" Fitts & Chris "GoGo" Gogan.

"There once was a dwarf that didn't skated so well, his name was Casavant and drank like a well." That dwarf, Sean "Smurfy" Casavant has been out with two torn man-boobs and an sprained / inverted penis. Casavant, has yet to play this season which kills me because I don't think my writing is very funny without him around. Casavant should show up to coach his team, despite the terrible injuries he has been experiencing.

I'm going to have to give this one to the Whale, 5-3.

SHORT BENCH RULES as Tuck dismantles The Whale Tale: 9-2

Game 2 of week 5 had two teams in NEED of a clutch performance to define their season. Tuck, the only pointless team at 0-4-0, hosted the Whalers (2-2-9) in what ended up being one big WHALE OF A TALE. Wow, that was lame. In what may be heralded as one of the biggest game time mistakes in UVHL history, Tuck sold the Whaler's captains on how hard it would be to play with only 8 players, given they were winless on the season, and needed to recruit some subs for tonights action. Unfortunately those subs were Dan "The Animal" Ammel & Joey "NKOTB" McIntyre. Ammel & McIntyre contributed 8 points(5 goals & 3 assists) on 7 of Tuck's 9 goals in the 9-2 blowout of the Whalers. Even more interesting is that Co-Commissioner, Shawn "Ball-less" McDermott, was relinquished a 1 game suspension on Ammel(3g, 1a) earlier in the night due to Ammel's insistence that he didn't mean to tear the MCL of Tuck's captain and offensive superstar Adam "Preying" Mantin in the previous week. But, on the other hand.....maybe Ammel owed Tuck some goals since Mantin will be out for at least a couple of months.

GAME NOTE: We had a guest / celebrity ref for this game, when local legend Johnny "Fat Head" Turner threw on some stripes. Due to Turner's status as a netminder, he didn't have the proper helmet wear to officiate, requiring him to wear Shawny McDermott's scalp protector. Apparently Turner's ego has bloated his head to biblical proportions, causing McD's helmet to make him look like a Saturday Night Live character......one of the Cone Heads. It was absolutely priceless!!! McDermott left an audio game note "JT LOOKS LIKE A F&**(CKING CLOWN WITH THAT MINI HELMET SITTING ON TOP OF HIS HEAD, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Regardless of the rosters, this was a close game through the first period as it was tied 2-2 through the first 13:45 of the game. Tuck struck first only 1:39 in when McIntyre found Stevie "Chugga" Cheng in front all alone. The Whaler's Kenny "The Wallier" Lallier was playing the odds, taking everything away down low, but the poise of Cheng was too much as he threw it upstairs into the open net. The lead was short lived as the Whaler's Ryan "Irish Hugs" McHugo beating Fitzgerald with a quick wrister from the slot off of a Sean "Santa" Clausen & Todd "The Sneaky Little Rat" Nalette connection. The two teams traded two more goals over the next 5 minutes as Tuck's Derek Nowak & the Whaler's Nalette each contributed to their team's cause. I don't actually have any information on those two goals, seeing as McDermott was in the crapper leaving behind what can only be described as a boneyard from the massacre of an entire colony of chickens. McIntyre added his first of two on the night with just over a minute to play as he tipped in a Danny Ammel shot to give Tuck the go-ahead and eventual game winner. Kenny "le grand gant" Lallier kept the game close with a huge glove save and 57 seconds left on the clock.

END OF REGULATION: Tuck 3, Whalers 2
SAVES: Fitzgerald 7, Lallier 10

Tuck seemed to finally have something click in as they registered 13 shots in the first, followed by another 13 shots and 3 goals in the second frame. Tuck was even getting long over due and solid goaltending from Ryan "The Hot Fuzz" Fitzgerald as he two pad stacked Davey "The Warden" Fitts in the first minute of play a la vintage Billy Ranford as the Gambler's netminder, Condon, put it. The first 4 minutes of the period only generated 3 shots on net, but Tuck quickly turned that around when Ammel took a Johny "Big Red Dog" Clifford pass at 10:28. At this point McBuffaloWings had a very good analogy of the Whaler's defensive end strategy....."At this point the whale is looking like a bunch of baby seals getting beaten with clubs in their own end." BRILLIANT. Ryuchi "KOOCHIE" Kikuchi missed the net wide on a breakaway after having Lallier down and beat. McIntyre made it 5-2 with a blast from the point after a nice pass from Mike "The Hair" Adair with 8:44 to go. That goal took the air out of the Whalers blow holes, leaving them completely beaten and flat. Tuck struck again as Nowak walked out from behind his own net and found Adair all the way up ice at the red line on the near side. Adair quickly dished the puck past an on-rusher to Ammel breaking up the middle who walked in and beat Lallier through his giant gapping FIVE-HOLE with 3:05 to play.

END OF THE SECOND: Tuck 6, Whalers 2
SAVES: Fitzgerald(TCK) 16, Lallier(WHA) 20

The Whalers entered the 3rd period with some vinegar in their veins, outshooting Tuck 5-0 in the early minutes, but still not able to capitalize as Fitzgerald was on top of his game. Tuck added to their total on a Kikuchi goal from McIntyre and 10:39 to play followed by yet another Ammel goal, for the hatrick, at 9:50. The last 9 minutes of player were all Tuck as the Whalers didn't record a shot since the 4 minute mark, finishing with just 5 on the frame. Tuck added a power play goal with Todd Nalette in the box for tripping and only :37 to play when Nowak put away a Clifford to Cheng to Nowak combo.

END OF REGULATION: Tuck 9, Whalers 2
SAVES: Fitzgerald(TCK) 22, Lallier(WHA) 25

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
1st PERIOD
TCK	13:11	Goal	Cheng, Stephen(2)	Assist(s): McIntyre, Joe(2)
WHL	12:29	Goal	McHugo, Ryan(3)	Assist(s): Clauson, Sean(1) Nalette, Todd(2)
TCK	08:22	Goal	Nowak, Derek(4)	Assist(s): Adair, Mike(1)
WHL	07:10	Goal	Nalette, Todd(3)	Assist(s): Clauson, Sean(2)
TCK	01:15	Goal	McIntyre, Joe(2)	Assist(s): Ammel, Robert(5) Nowak, Derek(5)
2nd PERIOD
TCK	10:28	Goal	Ammel, Robert(5)	Assist(s): Clifford, John(1)
TCK	08:44	Goal	McIntyre, Joe(3)	Assist(s): Adair, Mike(2)
TCK	03:05	Goal	Ammel, Robert(6)	Assist(s): Nowak, Derek(6) Adair, Mike(3)
3rd PERIOD
TCK	10:39	Goal	Kikuchi, Ryuji(3)	Assist(s): McIntyre, Joe(3)
TCK	09:50	Goal	Ammel, Robert(7)	Assist(s): Hession, Matt(1)
WHL	09:19	Penalty	Oliver, Liam(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
WHL	02:07	Penalty	Nalette, Todd(1)	2 minutes for Tripping
TCK	00:37	Goal	Nowak, Derek(5)	Assist(s): Clifford, John(2) Cheng, Stephen(5)

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Game Comments:
hkydoc WRJ, VT Registered: Jan 2004 Posts: 517	Do you mean....? Nov 11th, 2008 05:01 PM Park! Do you mean that Casavant actually grew a vagina to go with those bodacious ta-tas of his? Wow. Now they'll never leave the showers...
kpark Quechee, VT Registered: Dec 2003 Posts: 723	McD is spineless Nov 14th, 2008 02:27 PM Nothing against Danny Ammel, but you are SPINELESS McDermott. I did trash you a bit in the wrtie-ups, but despite it being negative publicity, it is still publicity. You are like the Paris Hilton of the UVHL. WHALERS, what the hell is wrong with you. Blowing your wad in the 1st period again. Stop your man to man bullshit hockey and play some zone hockey. Clog up the middle and keep your opponents to the outside. Nice game Tuck! KP OUT