UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Gamblers Looking to Take Season Series vs Whalers.

I'm not sure if anyone actually reads these, and I'm too tired to write the pre-game myself, so today I employed the powers of AI & ChatGPT to help me out. 

Men's Hockey League Pre-Game Report: Whalers vs. Gamblers
Get ready to witness another epic clash on the ice as the Whalers face off against the Gamblers in a battle for supremacy in the Men's Hockey League! With three previous encounters already in the books, these teams are no strangers to each other's tactics, and tonight promises to be a showdown for the ages!

Head-to-Head History:
The Gamblers have been on fire, claiming victory in the last two matchups against the Whalers. With scores of 3-1 and 2-1, they've left the Whalers scratching their heads and hungry for revenge. However, let's not forget that the Whalers did manage to secure a win in their first encounter this season, with a close-fought scoreline of 3-2. Will history repeat itself, or will the Gamblers continue their winning streak?

Stat Leaders:
Gamblers:
Leading the charge for the Gamblers, we have Max "Woodchip" Woods, Ryan "LaCroix Lightning" LaCroix, and Will "Meyer the Magician" Meyer, all putting up impressive numbers on the scoreboard. With a combination of speed, skill, and a touch of finesse, these guys are a force to be reckoned with on the ice!

Not to be outdone, Topo "Top Shelf" LaCroix and Luke "Deary Dreamer" Deary are also making their mark with solid contributions to the team's offense. These players may not always steal the spotlight, but they're certainly stealing goals!

In the goaltending department, Evan "Cline the Fortress" Cline has been a brick wall in front of the net for the Gamblers, boasting an impressive goals-against average and a winning record. With nerves of steel and lightning-fast reflexes, he's a formidable opponent for any shooter!

Whalers:
On the Whalers' side, we have Daniel "The VeNard Vortex" VeNard and Ean "Small but Mighty" Small leading the charge. These guys may not have the flashiest nicknames, but they're getting the job done on the ice and putting points on the board for their team!

Backing them up, we have Theodore "Pupilla the Puck Stopper" Pupilla, holding down the fort on defense and chipping in with some clutch plays when it counts the most!

In the goalie crease, Tucker "Garrity the Great" Garrity-Hanchett is standing tall and ready to shut down the Gamblers' offense. With a solid goals-against average and a winning attitude, he's determined to lead his team to victory!

Game Predictions:
With the Gamblers looking to extend their winning streak and the Whalers hungry for redemption, tonight's game is shaping up to be an all-out battle on the ice! Will the Gamblers maintain their dominance, or will the Whalers stage a comeback and even the score? One thing's for sure: it's going to be a game filled with excitement, laughter, and plenty of jaw-dropping moments!

So, grab your foam fingers, don your team colors, and get ready to cheer your hearts out as the Whalers take on the Gamblers in a hockey showdown you won't want to miss! Let's drop the puck and let the games begin!

Gamblers Finish Strong, Easily Down Whalers 5-1

On this last game of the regular season there were fans in the stands for Tucker’s birthday and for teammate Jason Yehle as well. “Happy birthday, Uncle Tucker!” was yelled from the stands, and a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday” was sung between the 1st and second period. This was clearly a record for the number of people in the stands and I counted 18 at one point! This was a fun conclusion to the regular season with such a strong showing. As the game started the Gamblers were in 1st place and the Whalers in 2nd with no change in the standings possible no matter the outcome.

In the 1st, the Whalers’ Kelly “Selfish Bastard” Park started off poorly with a weak pass across the ice right to the Gamblers’ Matt “Power Forward” Marrazzo in the first minute of the game. Jordan McGee was the only ref in this one as Park was playing even though he was listed on the game sheet as the other ref. Park’s selfish ways continued as the elderly Chuck Gaede was forced to play forward yet again to give Park enough ice time on D to hog the puck and make risky plays. Do you think you own this league or something, Park? Jeez… The G-men hit the post past Tucker’s glove on a 3-on-1. Park was probably out of position on that one outside the defensive zone. Soon after that Bergie hit the outside of the R post from a distance past Tucker. The Whale got their first SOG at 10:32 and shots were 4-1. Whalers’ D Christian Scott made a bad pass all the way outside the zone on the PP with Zach Aher in the Gamblers box at 10:35 for a trip. This was definitely a theme of this game. During their completely unfuckable power play the Whalers generated no shots on goal, and the Gamblers had one. Striking first at 7:04 was Topo LaCroix from linemate and the UVHL’s 4th leading scorer Max “Tiger” Woods. Park went to the box for a trip at 4:41 and the Gamblers took advantage as Sean Collins cut across the net with speed and somehow the puck ended up behind Tucker at 4:17 assisted by none other than goaltender Evan Cline! Tucker was sharp with his glove around 3:37 to deny the Gamblers. A good effort was being put forth by both teams, but there were some very sloppy passes that were too slow, to no one, too close to the other team that ended up in a battle for possession, or right onto the tape of the other team. Good effort, ugly execution. The Gamblers scored to go up 3-0 and put the game out of reach by 0:49 of the first period on Marrazzo’s goal assisted by Luke Deary. Shots were 13-9 for the G-spots and both goalies were turning away good chances by the other team.

In the 2nd, the Whalers started off quickly on Nate “Sniper” Robinson’s goal at 14:05 from #W Dan Fenton on Robinson’s second chance. Around 13:30 the Gamblers were generating good shots and scoring chances from the point and had sustained pressure in the 11th minute not allowing the Whalers out of their zone. Bergie had a nice rush all the way up the R side but was shut down by Park at the top of the circle in the Whalers’ zone. The Whalers were making too many passes right onto the sticks of the Gamblers. Yet again, the Gamblers had sustained pressure in the 7th minute and the Whalers were disorganized defensively in their own zone. Gamblers captain Will Meyer took a bodychecking penalty at 6:31, on Park, I think, along the boards and grumpily came to the box. The Whalers iced the puck on their inept power play. If you read the game write-up from last week, I called out the Mustangs’ 3rd period power play. I’m doing the same for the Whalers right now. You had the wrong 5 guys on the ice. Call a time out if you need to coach yourselves properly. I know this is Men’s League, but if you want to win you don’t just put out whatever line is up next on the PP or the next two defensemen. Put on your best five. It was only a 3-1 game at that time. Another goal puts you back in it and changes momentum. Instead, your PP was as unfuckable as a raggedly old lady pushing a shopping cart. Get it together for the playoffs or you’ll have no chance against Tuck in the first round. And stop making such shitty passes! The Whalers generated one SOG on the PP… sad. Game over. You had your chance and blew it. Once the PP was over two of the guys that SHOULD have been on the ice, Small and DeNerrrd, connected on a sweet pass form Small that DeNard deflected high just over the net. Soon after Tucker made a nice save on Woods. Ray “Hockey Whore” Nolan got called for a hold as DeNerrrd was cutting across the goalmouth with speed at 1:51. Each team generated a SOG on the ensuing Gamblers PP. See, Whalers? You were just as dangerous on the PK as you were on the PP. One job… Shots finished 29-17 in favor of the G-men at the end of the second.

In the 3rd, Bentley “WTF IS A” Boonyaharn made a baaaad pass back to a teammate as the puck came out of the O-zone and Meyer took off after getting possession on a breakaway with a nice save on the backhand by Tucker. Somehow in my game notes I have the Whalers’ first goal listed here at the start of the 3rd period instead of the second, so my apologies if I wrote it down wrong. Regardless, the score was 3-1 at this point. Christian Scott was stripped of the puck by Woods who unfortunately lost control on a breakaway all resulting from a string of bad passes by the Whalers to change possession. At 10:55 the G-spots were absolutely killing the Whalers on shots 36-19. Jason “Salt ‘n Pepper” Yehle, who also had fans in the stands tonight for some reason, made a great defensive play on Woods at the blueline to stop yet another breakaway by the speedy and elusive forward. Tucker made a nice save to keep it 3-1. DeNerrrd rifled one just over the net from the slot. Tucker then made 2 great saves in succession after a horrible turnover in front by the Whalers’ D passing it right into two forechecking Gamblers forwards on a pass that never should have been made. But where were his teammates? Not close by for a short outlet pass, I’ll tell you that. The Whalers got hemmed in again for over a minute fumbling and not being able to get it out just like your first time at the Drive-In “WITH A GIRL!”. Jordy was doing a great job as the lone referee tonight. #W Fenton made a great pass in front but linemate Robinson just missed the net wide. Then Scott missed the net after receiving a beauty pass in the slot. Don’t say you didn’t have your chances, Whalers! Both goalies were playing well. The Whalers pulled Tucker at 1:53 and the G’s scored an empty netter at 0:58 by Deary from Meyer and EVAN CLINE for the goaltender’s second assist of the night!!! The Whalers gave up after that leaving Tucker totally out to dry on the Gamblers’ 5th and final goal at 0:44 just 14 seconds later by Luke Webster from Meyer. Shots finished at a possible season high 50-23 for the Gamblers.

MVP: Evan Cline with 2A and a 0.955 save percentage is the obvious POG and I’m not even nominating anyone else!  Birthday Boy Tucker gets an honorable mention for a 0.900 save percentage on FIFTY fucking shots and for having so many people in the stands. Boom. ‘Nuff said.

LVP?:  The Whalers power play was absolutely pathetic… paying attention to who is on the ice and having a plan could have changed this game a bit and might have given them a chance. Might. Getting hemmed in your own zone for 3-4 minutes of the game doesn’t help either. DeNerrrd made it clear as I visited the locker room briefly after the game to make sure that I busted on Park in the write-up for his multiple pinches in the first period (especially cuz this game was already over in the 1st) trying to force the play, get a goal, and just for being a selfish fucking player in general. Parky laughed as the discussion continued and offered no excuses whatsoever. Parky can dish it, and he can take it, too. He ain’t no hypocrite, eh.

POST-GAME:
There were both Gamblers and Whalers at the bar after the game tonight! Nice work, boys and girls! Some Whalers were still there once I arrived and the G-spots had already left, but I got to catch up with Chiasson, Autumn, Robinson and Hailey. We talked about this game and their upcoming first round match up against Tuck. There was agreement about the PP struggles and bad passes. Autumn especially agreed about the bad passes having to watch them from the stands all night. We chatted about B-league hockey and how much safer the A-league is. True story. It’s great to see such an awesome showing of players out after the early game! Keep up the tradition, eh. That’s part of why we do this.

Respectfully submitted,
McDefense, aka HKYDOC