UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Tuck looks to Sweep Whalers

Twice this season the Tuckies have played the Whalers, and twice they have handily beaten them by scores of 8-3 in October and 9-3 in January.  Tuck is reeling after a pair of losses; 4-3 to the Mustangson January 24th and 5-2 to the Gamblers last week.  To be fair, the Tuckies didn't have their full roster due to travel, sickness and new babies...but rumor has it that their roster will be back to normal just in time for the Whalers.

Tuck's offense has been otherworldy, averaging 6.22 goals per game compared to the Whaler's 3.92.  Their goaltending has been solid, with a team 3.89 gaa.  The Whaler's goaltending has been slightly better at 3.75, helping to propel them into the playoffs this year(after missing last year) and guaranteeing them at least the 3rd seed.

The Whaler's will be missing their anchor on defense, Scotty "Too Hotty" Christian who brings Fire & Ice to the rink.  That little red-headed ball of hate will be drinking Kinky Vodka & Hard Ciders on the beach in Florida all week.  

Vegas thinks that with a full roster, Tuck will be too much for the Whalers and take this game by 3 goals....most likely 6-3.

Whalers Topple Tuck 7-2

The usual fans were in the stands cheering on their men; both Autumn and Hailey in attendance for the late game for the Whalers in a tough contest against Tuck. This was a 10 on 9 contest with the Whale having the edge in that department to start the game.

In the 1st, Big Ean “It’s Not” Small received a great long pass at the Tuck blueline, entered the zone, and then fell down all by himself! Sweet move, Ean… The first SOG was at 13:31 by the Whalers, and then suddenly the first goal at 13:27 with good ‘ol #W Dan Fenton finding the back of the net from Brandon “Mr. Forearms” Chiasson. The Whalers generated the first 4 SOG, and Tuck’s first was at approx. 12:05 by Ryan “Pretty Feet” Cassidy. Jason “Salt ‘n Pepper” Yehle got called for a hook at 11:23 and was joined by Kelly “Selfish Bastard” Park for the same infraction at 10:05. Tuck generated 4 SOG on the PP but could not capitalize against Evan Cline subbing in for Tucker in the Whalers’ net. Jack “Always Horny” Torney sent a puck in for Nick “Bear Hug” Sullivan that Sully tipped just wide in the 7th minute of play. Shots were even 9-9 at the 6:05 mark. Luke “Stickel with the Pointy End” found the back of the net at 5:18 from the long-excused absence and new “Super Dad” Jonathan Carkeek. Dan “DeNerrrd” DeNard scored to answer the Tuck goal at 5:01 from that Selfish Bastard Kelly Park. Jonas “Jesus Hair” Spaulding had his hair flowing in the wind as he skated up and down, back and forth, and in and out all over the rink just showing it off and not really doing anything like joining the play or backchecking… he was too busy checking out his hair in the reflection off the glass and enjoying that sweet feeling of the cold wind blowing through it as he skated. Hey, I’m jealous. The UVHL’s newest Dad, Jon Carkeek, returned to the ice looking like he hadn’t missed a game with good speed, hockey sense, physicality and creating good plays for his teammates. Shots finished 13-13 at the end of the period.

In the 2nd, Teddy “The Mothman” Pupilla got called for a trip at 14:04 and went to the Whalers’ box. Tuck had another PP and capitalized at 12:25 when Mikey “It’s Long’ Yablong jumped on a puck from the point and charged into the slot for a sweet shot and goal from Aidan “Rocky” Balboni and Jon “Super Dad” Carkeek. The Whalers answered quickly yet again, this time an unassisted goal by DeNerrrd at 12:03 to put his team back up by one and the score 3-2. Yablong got sent to the box for a trip at 10:58 and the Whalers pulled Cline to get the puck deep into Tuck’s zone for an offensive face off but could not capitalize on the ensuing PP. The Mothman got called for another infraction at 7:50 for a hold, but his teammate, Big Ean Small scored a sweet shorty at 5:54 just as the penalty was expiring. Small got a good break and jumped on a weak Tuck pass back to the blueline that was between two Tuck players but not to either of them. Small charged right to the middle and came up with the puck barely half a stride ahead of two Tuckies and another in pursuit to jump ahead of them and go in on a breakaway and score a goal that really broke the backs of the Tuckies making it 4-2. Carkeek had a nice battle for the puck and play to find Stickel in front for a good chance that was deflected out of play by the Whalers at 4:25. Shots ended 22-21 in favor of the Whale.

In the 3rd, Small scored his second in a row at 13:20 and on the Whalers’ second SOG of the period, unassisted yet again. The Whalers brought their A-game tonight! They were playing smart and strong in all 3 zones against a tough opponent who offered no excuses and who were putting forth a good effort. #W was cheating off the face offs coming in with momentum a few times in a row and it wasn’t called. We’re watching you, #W! That’s not gonna fly in the playoffs, eh! Tuck generated some nice scoring chances over a 3-4-minute stretch, but Cline handled them all and looked strong in the Whalers’ net all night. The Whalers were defending well, and created some of their own chances as well at the other end. James “Sweet Spice” McCormick scored at 8:05 from #W to put the outcome in no doubt as to who was going to win this game. The score was 6-2 and shots were 29-28 in the Whalers’ favor. Cline made a great save on a Balboni tip fed by Carkeek in the 5th minute. #W baaaadly missed the net wide to the blocker side after making a nice steal for a potential scoring chance at 2:57. One job…  De Nerrrd iced the puck on a pass to no one after playing keep away from 3 Tuckies in pursuit. Yablong showed some good feet and hands to get the puck, keep possession and get a good shot towards Cline that was deflected up high. The Mothman made a great play to advance the puck in the Tuck zone to make a sweet pass to #W in front of the net for a tap in goal around Betten. The score finished 7-2 for the upset Whalers win and shots 37-32 in favor of Tuck

MVP:  I cannot understate the importance of Evan Cline in the Whalers net tonight and his 0.9375 save percentage. Cline was clearly THE difference in this game and was the obvious MVP in my opinion. Ean Small sealed the deal with the incredible unassisted SHG late in the 2nd period and added another unassisted goal early in the 3rd. He put the game out of reach and dominated most of the night. DeNerrrd also had 2 goals and played great in all 3 zones for all 3 periods. An honorable mention goes to #W, Dan Fenton with 2G, 1A. Tuck did NOT play poorly. The Whalers won it legit. This was a good hockey game from start to finish.

LVP?:  Nobody sucked or cost their team the game. 

POST-GAME:
“Losing sucks” was the first thing that came out of several mouths of the Tuckies as they arrived at Club ‘Bee’s post-game.  Carkeek got a pass as he was on baby duty when he got back home tonight, but there was no sign of Seamus “The Dreamus” O’Neill at the game or post-game tonight… He must be catching up on all the game write-ups he missed, right? RIIIGHT?!?! The Tuckies that showed had good spirits and lots of laughs after the initial lamentations were expressed. To their credit, they made absolutely no excuses for the loss and tipped their hats to the great effort and challenge presented by the Whalers. When The Mothman and his buddy showed up after McDonald’s closing early in both WRJ and W. Lebanon (WTF, Upper Valley?!?!), the Tuckies were very gracious and congratulated Teddy and his team on the win. Sully got brain freeze from his huuuuge bucket ‘o water, and Pretty Feet Cassidy and I compared notes on my well-trained Instagram continuous feed of gorgeous feet and attractive pretty toes. We were asked “What makes a foot attractive?” and had to explain it in great, great detail to those that just don’t get it… Stickel was informed of where his nickname came from to his surprise. Game of Thrones, motherfucker! You don’t immediately recall that scene when Jon gives Arya her little sword, Needle? Apparently, Goff had a little chuckle regarding his new nickname, nothing crazy, but some acknowledgement at the very least, which made my night knowing it got at least a thin-lipped smile. There was talk about fiction and non-fiction, some sort of group project that the Tuckies have to do in 1st year where they have to form groups on their own, kinda like last kid picked, ranging from everything from helping non-profits to assisting the intellectually challenged. Apparently, in 2nd year the Tuckies rank their internship over the Thanksgiving and Christmas break, and most are angry about their placements with no recourse or explanation by the powers that be. Remember, these are the very same MBA administrators that don’t give the hockey team any budget at all, so I wasn’t surprised to hear about this minor cluster fuck. I went to professional school, too, and every institution has its fair share of bullshit even though you end up with a great education at the end. It was interesting for me to hear talk from a field that I have absolutely no experience with except for grade 10 accounting. I never took economics or anything in that field, so to hear grad students in a unique program talk shop was both foreign and intriguing. In the end, beers were consumed, boneless wings, pretzels, mozzarella sticks, celery and dip were pounded, and the great post-game tradition continued!  See you guys next week, eh!

Respectfully submitted,
McDefense, aka HKYDOC