UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Gamblers Looking to Harpoon the Whale

First vs the Worst.  The Gamblers sit tied for first with a 4-2 record while the hapless Whalers sit in last in every category possible and have a league wost 0-5-0 record.  The Whalers were destroyed by the Blues last week, letting up 5 goals in the first frame en route to an 8-2 loss where the Blues clearly stopped playing.

The Whalers have fallen drastically since finishing first before Covid hit.  They had to rebuild after a handful of their players moved away and are clearly trying to find their way.  Pre-Covid, the Whalers had their best year on record, beating the Gamblers in 3 of 4 games.  I would blame upper management and coaching on the downfall of the Whale.

The Gamblers on the other hand have returned to glory.  Returning a majority of their players and adding some new studs to fill out the roster.  They have 5 of the top 20 point producers compared to ZERO for the Whalers.  The Whalers sit last in wins, goals for, goals against, heart, muscle and penalty minutes.  They are as soft baby shit.

Expect this to be another blowout, unless the Whalers learn to make saves and play defense.  

VEGAS THINKS the Gamblers will do Gambler things and run the score up.  Don't be surprised if they're still cherry picking when they're up by a dozen goals.

THE ODDS: 
Gamblers by 8 Goals
OVER/UNDER of 9 Goals

Whalers Finally Show Up, Lose to G-Men in a Shootout.

Holy Crap!  I mean, holy shit!  The Whalers actually showed up and competed in a game, who’da thunk!  And they did it against a high powered, tied-for-first, orange traffic cone wearing Gamblers squad.  The message in the Whalers locker room the past week since getting spanked by the Blues 8-2 was simple….”Don’t Suck!  Stop embarrassing ourselves.  Go out there and play some f’ing defense.  DON’T SUCK!”  Message heard loud and clear.

The Gamblers on the other hand have been cruising, winning 4 of their last 5.  Powered by stellar goaltending from Luke “McKickSave” McCormick and defense that starts with exceptional offense.  Their backend of Ryan “the boogeyman” Bergeron, Zach “Tindler Swindler” Aher, Ray “MayDay” Nolan and Sean “Copland” Collins have been outstanding, stopping plays and starting rushes.  But tonight it was the big “Hawaain Sandwich” line of Spencer “The Flyin’ Hawaiian” Zaha paired with Matty “The Milkman” Marrazzo and Willy “Oscar” Meyer.  The trio combined for a pair of goals, both coming off of Marrazzo who used his robust frame and parked himself in front of the net to mop up Whale Trash all night.

The Whaler’s Defense-First approach worked for nearly two full periods.  Limiting odd-man rushes, backchecking, protecting the middle and most importantly protecting the ego of their fragile goaltender they nearly destroyed through the first 4 weeks of the season.  Their net minder, Tucker “Little Sexy” Garrity-Hanchett, was actually the first star of the game as he came up big, I mean real big, in the first 29 minutes of this game.  TGH stopped 31 shots before Marrazzo delivered with 48 seconds left in the first period by chipping a loose puck up and over the Whalers goalie from the top of the crease. 

That goal could have been devastating for the Whalers, but they immediately went into offensive mode and pressed in the final 48 seconds leading to a rebound that Nate “The Great” Robinson fired past the Gambler’s Harris “Big Sexy” LaRock with just 2 seconds in the period.  LaRock was filling in for McCormick who is stuck in a Mexican prison for trying to smuggle hockey sticks to poor mexican children.  This was the third game that Big Sexy and Little Sexy have gone head to head in.  The two Hanover Grads battle each game to determine who gets the better nickname.

After two frames the game was notched at one goal apiece, but the Gambler’s were outshooting the Whale Tale 32-19.

This set up a wild third period that saw four goals, 4 penalties and forced a shootout.  The Whalers went up first early in the third on an Aiden “AB” Boonyaharn goal.  Robinson helped set this one up by chipping a pick to AB who beat LaRock with a hard shot glove side.  The Gamblers responded on the next shift with Marrazzo getting his second, on a play very similar to the first.  This time Meyer circled the Whale net and into the slot for a low hard shot.  Marrazzo outmuscled the Whaler’s defenseman, Kelly “Built like Pudding” Park and roofed the rebound from just outside the crease.  That goal was just 26 seconds after the Whalers took the lead…embarrassing.

The Gamblers took the lead with 3:43 to play on a point shot from Ryan “The Boogeyman” Bergeron.  Bergeron took a pass up at the right point from Topo “Thing 1” LaCroix, took 2 steps in and launched a knuckle-puck changeup through a screen that had eyes, picking top right corner for the lead.  It only took 19 seconds for the Whalers to respond on a pass from Pudding Park to McCormick at the near blue line.  McCormick did a McSpin-O-Rama around a defender and broke in 2v1 on LaRock.  His hard shot was saved by LaRock, but leaked through and rolled into the net.

END OF REGULATION:  Gamblers 3, Whalers 3.  SAVES:  LaRock 25, Little Sexy 41

The game went to a shootout, which typically favors the Gamblers, and the Gamblers out-skilled the Whalers, scoring twice out of three attempts.  The Whalers may have had two of the worst shootout attempts ever attempted in the Upper Valley, possibly the entire state of Vermont.  The game was finally ended on a Topo "Thing 1" LaCroix dipsy-dangle where he deked TGH out of his jock.  Read below for the shootout details.

SHOOTOUT:

GMB - Sean Collins - Down the left side, Beats TGH high blocker - GOAL
WHL - Ryan Longfield - Serpentine Route, fake shot, pulls to his backhand and tried going five-hole but LaRock read it.  SAVE
GMB - Will Meyer - straight down the middle, lots of stickhandling, move to backhand but TGH read it.  SAVE
WHL - Teddy Pupilla - straight down the middle, no stickhandling, fires low shot glove side, but LaRock is out on top of his crease.  Easy SAVE
GMB - Thing 1 - down the left side on his backhand, shimmy-shakes TGH who falls over, Thing 1 pulls puck to backhand and deposits in net.  GOAL

GOAL NOTES: 
GMB - 1-0 - Last minute of play, Meyer behind the net to Aher all alone at the point.  Aher lets rip a low hard shot that TGH saves, Marrazzo chips the rebound over TGH.
WHL - 1-1 - 2 seconds left in the period, good keep in by Pupilla to Inserra near boards.  Inserra hits AB in the slot for a shot and save.  Inserra gets the rebound and his shot gets deflected to Robinson on the goal line for a quick shot past LaRock.
WHL - 2-1 - Robinson picks off a bad pass in the neutral zone, chips it to AB on the near blue line and went in on a 2on1 with Pupilla, Defender took the pass away, so AB improved his angle and beat LaRock low.
GMB - 2-2 - Meyer breaks into zone, curls the net, out front, and into the slot.  Low hard shot that TGH saves.  Marrazzo muscles his way away from Park and roofs the rebound.
GMB - 3-2 - PP with Bianca in the box, Thing 1 moves the puck back to Bergeron who steps to the top of the circles and lets some sort of flip shot / knuckleball on net through a screen that had eyes, beating TGH high glove.
WHL - 3-3 - Park hits McCormick at the near blue line, spin-o-rama around the defender and breaks in 2v1.  His shot leaks through LaRock and rolls in.