UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Blues look to harpoon Whalers...again.

The dismal hockey season for the Whalers looks like it will continue against a hot and talented Blues team.  The Blues are in a 4-way time for first place with Tuck, the Gamblers and Lumberjacks.  Tuck is idle while on winter break, so first place is up for grabs.

The Whalers are inching closer and closer to being elminated from the playoffs.  A win would go a long way.  They have gotten consistently better since getting destroyed by the Blues 8-2 in week one.

The Blues have 4 of the top 10 point leaders in the UVHL this season:

#3 - Kyle Richards - 10pts
#7 - TJ Moran - 8pts
#8 - Tyler White - 8pts
#10 - Colin Clark - 8pts

The Whalers have...zero in the top 20.  Yes, zero.  They are also a league worst -14 in four games and averaging just 2 goals pergame while the Blues are averaging 5 goals per game, +5 Goal Differential and allowing a league low 4 goals per game.  The stats don't lie, this should be an easy win for the Blues.  

Vegas says the Blues win by 3 goals with an over / under of 7.5.  Essentially...5-2 win for the Blues. 

Whalers sing the Blues...lose 8-2.

Damn, what can you say about the Whalers that hasn’t been said yet.  With every team entering this week with a 3-2-0 record, the Whalers were a perfect 0-4-0.  Things did not get any better as a much more talented Labatt Blues team absolutely embarrassed them in the first period.  For clarity, the Whalers are in last place in the standings, last place in goals scored, last place in goals allowed and even last place in penalty minutes.  There is no stat or place on the ice that they excel or can even keep up with the rest of the UVHL.  I think at this stage the Whalers are hoping that they can be the Bad News Bears or Mighty Ducks of the UVHL…but they are coming dangerously close to being eliminated from the playoff race already.

The Blues came into this game hosting four of the top 10 point producers this season; Richards(10pts) and Moran, White & Clark all with 8pts.  Richards and crew were on fire again putting up 8 goals using 5 different goal scorers and 10 different players recording points in this one.  The Blues put up 5 in the first before the Whalers even realized they were in a game.  The Whaler’s Tucker “Little Sexy” Garrity-Hanchett looked shell-shocked in net and may have even cried at one point, but he said that a bug flew in his eye. 

NOTE:  Tucker Garrity-Hanchett will further be referred to as TGH in this write-up as he will get a ton of ink and his name sucks.

The start of the game was all Blues,  but it took them 3.5 minutes to finally get one past TGH.  It was one of the MANY odd-man rushes that the Whaler’s defense had to deal with, this time being a 3 on 2 that was executed perfectly.  Richards dropped the puck to “Mad” Max Major who fed Colin Clark across the slot.  Clark returned the pass to Major for the one-timer along the ice to beat Tucker.  80 seconds later off of a face-off to Little Sexy’s right, Stephen Hamilton chipped the puck back to Ray “May Day” Sprague at the left point for a shot.  Keith “Bubba” Lazarczyk got the rebound and again beat TGH along the ice.  2-0 Blues and it just kept getting worse.

With just over 8 minutes to play in the first Richards entered the zone with the puck on another odd-man rush and hit Tyler White coming down the far boards with a cross-ice pass.  White quickly returned the puck to Richards all alone in the slot as the back checkers skated right past him, and Richards fired a twisted wrister past TGH for the 3-0 lead. 

The Blues net minder, Jon “Showtime” Hall, registered a helper on the next goal 2 minutes later after a huge kick save from a point shot that TJ Moran picked up in the high slot.  Moran raced down the near boards, behind the Whalers coal and threw it out front to Hamilton for a quick shot along the ice.  90 seconds later TGH gave up a long shot from Clark that beat him low glove side.  At this point I think TGH was either contemplating murdering some of his team mates or throwing himself into traffic after the game, therefore not focusing on the shot that was 100% savable.  Regardless, great shot by Clark and the Blues were rolling with a 5-0 lead after one.

Despite the lopsided score, the Whalers were still able to put 11 shots on net, but Hall was always in the right position to make the save.  To be fair, the Whalers shoot like 8 year old girls…nothing against 8 year old girls, but it’s true, they shoot like 8 year old girls.  I can say that because I once had an 8 year old girl…and she shot like an 8 year old girl.  Embarrassing. 

END OF THE FIRST: Blues 5, Whalers ZERO.  SHOTS: Blues 15, Whalers 11

In between periods, the Whalers goaltender went on strike and refused to go to the bench to see “that useless bag of dicks” that play in front of him.  The message must have been received as the Whalers turned things up in the second frame.  Still shooting like 8 year old girls, but outshooting the Blues 15-13.  They had actually been winning the second period 1-0 until the last minute when the returned to their former selves and gave up a pair of goals in the last 55 seconds.

The Blues finally got on the board with 3:28 gone in the second frame when Kelly “Turnover” Park picked up a puck at the face-off dots in his own zone and hit Ryan Longfield at the far blue line.  Longfield raced in 2 on 1 with Brandon “Racin’” Chiasson, feeding him back door for the goal.

The last minute was a dumpster fire for the Whalers who kept turning the puck over.  Tyler White started both goals, the first was a pass to Clark cruising into the crease.  TGH made a great save but Richards chipped a backhander in from the goal line off of the goaltender’s back.  White started the breakout on the second goal of the period, hitting Richards in the neutral zone.  Richards fed Max Majors entering the zone with speed and made a power move to the net with a Whaler’s defender all over him.  Majors used his robust body to shield the puck and chip it up, off and in on Tucker.

END OF THE SECOND: Blues 7, Whalers 1.  SHOTS: Blues 28, Whalers 27

The Whalers received a power play early in the third period but literally generated nothing off of the PP.   One UVHL Scout recommended denying the power play opportunity, as the horrible power play must have given them all nightmares and destroyed any confidence that may have been left.  The Blues took advantage of the shift in momentum, scoring at 10:51 when Chiasson made a beautiful pass to Richards behind his own net.  Richards quickly moved the puck to Max Majors all alone in the slot, beating TGH blocker side.

The Blues seemed to pull their foot off the gas after that goal, clearly not wanting to be the reason for Whaler’s Self-Harm.

The Whalers finished the scoring with 4:32 on a Ryan Longfield goal from Chris Inserra and Nate “The Great” Robinson.  Inserra found Longfield backdoor with Hall making the first save and Longfield sliding his own rebound in under and outstretched Hall.

END OF REGULATION: Blues 8, Whalers 2.  SHOTS: Blues 44, Whalers 29

Overall it felt like this was going to be a 20-0 win after the first period.  Some would say that the Whalers woke up and played better hockey, others would say that Labatt felt bad for the Whalers and stopped trying.  Regardless, this was a 3-2 loss for the Whalers over the last 2 periods, and may provide a light at the end of the tunnel for the hapless Whalers.