THE

UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

November 25th, 2008 - 8:05PM
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Game ID: 521

Nordiques v. Tuck

The Nordiques continued their winning ways tonight with a GHASTLY 14-3 blowout over the lowely Tuck Turduckens of the Business School called Tuck located in the northeast of the United States of America. The Nordiques were still technically unbeaten this season after starting out with 4 consecutive wins followed by back to back shootout losses, while Tuck seemed to be headed in the right direction after blowing out the Whalers two weeks earlier, followed by an 8-6 loss(including an empty netter) to the power house Storm Kings.

Aforementioned were the two shootout losses where the Nordiques played their worst hockey in years. Rumors have it that the Nordiques captain Tao "Buddha" Smith offered said he would retire if the Nordiques won by 10 or more goals, and that seems to be the catalyst here. Tuck on the other hand had emails circulating from captain Adam "Preying" Mantin stating, "If we lose by less than 12 goals, BEERS ARE ON ME!!!" It seems as though both teams got their wishes.

The Nordiques came out flying netting the first two goals from defenseman Kelly "The Mouth" Park, who for some odd reason wasn't even really playing defense. The first was a perfect wrister from Ian "Jackets" Coates, that careened off of Park's ankle and in. The second goal came when Greg " I'll SHOOT FROM ANYWHERE " Marsh cut out of the corner and tried firing a shot on net that ended up in the high slot to Park who was crashing the net, who then fired a quick snapper through the gaping 5-hole that is called Ryan "The Hot Fuzz" Fitgerald's legs. Fitzgerald was not on top of his game tonight, specifically allowing Smith a hat trick, Park 2 goals and Marsh 4 on the night.

The Nordiques tallied 5 goals in the first 10:20 of the first period with the addition of two from Smith and another from Roger "The Rusty Dentist Drill" Phillips. Phillips also added an assist on each of the first two goals & 5 points on the night. The shutout for Johnny "Temper Tantrum" Turner seemed inevitable, but Tuck broke the shutout bid late in the first when Mantin broke into the zone, threw a RAZZLE DAZZLE on two defenders before throwing a sneaky quick snapper off of the far post through a screen. The puck dropped perfectly into the crease for Pace "Car" Ralli who was crashing the net.

END OF THE FIRST: Nordiques 5, Tuck 1
SAVES: Turner(NDQ): 9, Fitzgerald(TCK) 12

Tuck did pressure early in the first when Mantin turned a Nordiques defenseman inside out and beat Turner with a wrister to bring the deficit back to 3 goals, only 32 seconds in. That was about as good as it was going to get as the Nordiques ran the gamut, scoring 7 goals on 21 shots in the second frame, 4 of them coming from Gregory "Unsportsmanlike" Marsh who decided it was more important to shoot from everywhere when you are up 10-2 and pad your stats than to show some respect for a team that looked and played like a hot steaming pile of dog shit. A BIG PILE OF CORN FILLED, STEAMING & SLIMY DOG SHIT. Much to the dismay & request of one Nordiques captain, who simply requested "Just move the puck around before you score", Marshy shot from EVERYWHERE, never even returning a pass, not even thinking about passing. He shot from the corners, the boards, outside the zone he even tried shooting one from the bench. A nice surprise was "The Minister of Defense" Tommy Dakai putting one in for his first of the season. Also chipping in were, "The Jacket" Coates & "Buddha" Smith. Marsh did have back to back goals just 7 seconds apart which was pretty impressive. Tuck also added their 3rd goal of the night when Pace Ralli took a Pete Albro pass to the net with 1:46 to play.

END OF THE SECOND: Nordiques 12, Tuck 2
SAVES: Turner(NDQ): 11, Fitzgerald(TCK) 14

The Nordiques did finally gain some respect and turned things off in the 3rd, only amassing 2 goals, and both first goals on the night from Jordan "McMuffin" McGee & Danny "Boy" Jodice. McGee(1g, 3a) & Jodice(1g, 1a) both put together nice nights with 2 way play. Not to take anything away from Tuck by saying that the Nordiques were told to shut it down internally, because on some nights your team just doesn't have it and the last thing you ever want is another team running up the score on you.
LEAGUE PICK 'EM
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Nordiques
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Tuck
0 PICKS
THREE STARS

Greg Marsh

GOALS: 4
POINTS: 5

Ian Coates

GOALS: 1
POINTS: 5

Roger Phillips

GOALS: 1
POINTS: 5

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