UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

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Brewers Poirier scores 7 in dismantling of NorLeafs.

The Brewer's opened up the Mud Season with an OUTSTANDING game from rookie Garren Poirier who notched 7.....YES SEVEN goals and an assist over the lowly NorLeafs. Poirier, was the driving force behind the big win tonight as was all over the ice, and completely and utterly owned the NorLeafs goaltender, Johnny "Back Fat" Turner. Poirier, who hails from the RutVegas locale joined the Brewers club in October of 2007 and has been a crucial cog in the Beer Powered Machine known locally as El Brew De Las Drunken Gatos. I'm still in shock from absolutely getting blown out of the water tonight, but I guess since the Nordiques took on 5 of the Maple Leafs squad, I should get used to this horrific sense of desperation, self pity and pure hatred.

The Brewers big game also had contributions from the Dr.s Nick "Freshman Thirty" Bayley(1g, 5a) & Chris "The Mexican Salsa Dancer" Isaac(1g, 1a) as well as Mike "Goontown" Hickey(2a). The rest of the team was pretty useless out there. Petey "Geek Squad" Bartline turned away 19 for his 26th career win while only letting in 2.

The Nordiques were anchored......I mean SERIOUSLY anchored by resident dead-weight anchor Shawn "McMinusNine" McDermott. The Nord's Turner, speaking freely and off the record, told McTurnover, "tonight was clearly your WORST game ever!" As bad as Turner thought McMackTruck was, the Nord's Drew "Mini McDermott" Crapser was even worse. Crapser looked nothing like the ex-division 1 player he once was. With the mobility of a beached whale, speed of a one-legged turtle & man-boobs like a pre gastric-bypass patient, he was utterly useless on the ice. The newest members of the Leafs; Sean "Midget Mac" Casavant, Kirt "Big" Johnson, Jason "Lurker" Loomis, Eric "Guns" Gattie, Chuck "Larry Bird" Gaede & Joey "The Mime" Hayes; were just as useless as the original Nords.

The Brew Crew started off the scoring with a Christian Issac goal with 4:21 to go in the first off of a nice pass from his SOUL MATE, Nick "The Stick" Bayley. The Nordiques' Danny "Dwarfism" Jones tied the game up less than a minute later on a 2 on 1. Jones sold "Man Boy" Bartline on the pass before firing a quick wrister inside the far post.

END OF THE FIRST: Brewers 1, Nordiques 1

Garren Poirier led off the 2nd period with Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back goals, they are all a blur to me, but I'm sure that they went something like this, Poirier takes a pass shoots, Turner couldn't save it. Turner peed his jock, Poirier scores again. McDermott gets turned inside out, Poirier scores again. A winger forget to cover Poirier at the point and he scores with a wrister through a screen. He was all over the ice in the 2nd period, owning everyone. The streak of Poirier was finally broken with only 1 second to go when Bayley finished off a pass from Poirier to put the Brew Crew up by 5.

END OF THE SECOND: Brewers 6, Nordiques 1

The NorLeafs came out FLYING in the 3rd, pissed and determined to "Love the Puck, Feel the Hate" (Tao Smith) as they scored their second goal of the game just 44 seconds in. I'm not sure who got it due to the goal being credited to #6......we don't have a #6!!! Anyways, I'm sure it was a shitty goal, all Bartline's fault. That success was short lived as Poirier got the final 3 goals of the game on assists from Bayley & Isaac. Turner was fuming, crying and still wet from urinating in his jock.

FINAL SCORE: Brewers 9, Nordiques 2

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
1st PERIOD
NDQ	09:51	Penalty	Gaede, Chuck(1)	2 minutes for Tripping
BRE	04:21	Goal	Isaac, Christian(1)	Assist(s): Bayley, Nick(1)
NDQ	03:37	Goal	Jones, Dan(1)	Assist(s): none
2nd PERIOD
NDQ	14:22	Goal	Gattie, Eric(1)	Assist(s): Coates, Ian(1) Marsh, Greg(1)
BRE	11:45	Goal	Mullins, David(1)	Assist(s): Bayley, Nick(2) Poirier, Garren(1)
BRE	04:10	Goal	Mullins, David(2)	Assist(s): Johnson, Chris(1) Hickey, Michael(1)
BRE	02:00	Goal	Mullins, David(3)	Assist(s): Hickey, Michael(2) Bayley, Nick(3)
BRE	01:00	Goal	Mullins, David(4)	Assist(s): none
BRE	00:01	Goal	Bayley, Nick(1)	Assist(s): Mullins, David(1) Charette, Dan(1)
3rd PERIOD
BRE	10:27	Penalty	Poirier, Garren(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
BRE	04:00	Goal	Mullins, David(5)	Assist(s): none
BRE	00:58	Goal	Mullins, David(6)	Assist(s): Bayley, Nick(4) Isaac, Christian(1)
BRE	00:41	Goal	Mullins, David(7)	Assist(s): Bayley, Nick(5)

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