UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

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Brew Crew rolls on, WHO CAN STOP THEM?!?!?

The Brewers walked into week 3 as the clear favorites over an inconsistent Nordiques squad. I called it right, Brewers by 2, but I was thinking it would be more like a 6-4 game than 4-2. The Nords Kelly "The insensitive PRICK" Park capitalized on a brain fart by Petey "Rain Man" Bartline, as Park wrapped a goal inside the post on a sleeping Bartline. After the game Bartline was quoted as saying, "I just didn't think (Park) could possibly move that fast, I am shocked, embarrassed and may cry a little bit tonight. Park's rebuttle was "I took the puck behind the net, looked up and that retard(Bartline) was sleeping. I think that's the first, and possibly the last, wrap-around goal I've every scored." Two minutes later Nick "The Slick Prick" Bayley capitalized on a turnover in the Nords zone by ripping a fluttering writster past Park's fat ass and a kneeling Turner. Christian "I've been demoted to 2nd line" Isaac, showed that he doesn't need Bayley's help as he found a loose puck in the neutral zone, Park forced him wide behind the net and with a full head of steam wrapped the puck in on a somewhat sleeping / brain dead Turner.

Bayley potted another AMAZING goal as he was being ass-raped by Park on a breakaway. "I literally put everything I had into trying to haul Nick down. It's kind of embarrassing!" What's more embarrassing is that Bayley was caught by Park on a clean BREAKAWAY....only 2 seasons in and the kid has lost about 4 steps!!!! With Bayley's goal, the Brew Crew were on top for good and leading 3-1.

The Nords buckled down on defense throughout the rest of the game only allowing Bayley to score YET ANOTHER GOAL, his 3rd of the game. I'm not quite sure how this one went in, but I'm sure it was Turner's fault / sick move by Dr. McSelfish. All I know is that Park let a STEAMER go that beat Bartline high glove. I think the radar gun read something like 47.3 MPH. Bartline must be so terrified by Park that every time he has the puck he freezes up like a virgin in bed. I did hear a rumor that Bartline was a virgin too, so I guess that analogy makes sense!

Other notables were a matching penalty call in the 3rd, McDermott's Interference call and Hickey's Tripping. McDermott got up screaming like a 5th grader on roids....and everyone was about as afraid of him as they would be a 5th grader on roids. He tantrummed like a hungry fat man being taunted with sugar filled treats. He looked and sounded like a lobster being boiled alive!!!! I could go on all night with these analogies, but I am too tired and lazy! The refs said that in retrospect they should have kicked him out, but I guess being the guy who pays their checks gets him ONE freebie. A well earned and deserved mulligan. McD did in fact apologize and said that he would have understood if he was booted. He also made amends with Michael "The Slew-Foot Specialist" Hickey. Some say it was a blatant slew-foot others say it was two guys who got tangled up.....I say.....DAMN I WISH WE HAD VIDEO FOOTAGE OF THAT SCREAMING!!!!

That's how the game ended, 4-2. The Brewers rolled onto another win(3-0) and the Nords(1-2) fell back under .500. The Nordiques actually outshot the Brewers 34-31 and both goaltenders played exceptionally well. The Nordiques take on the LOWLY Maple Leafs squad this week(6:30pm) and hope to get on track while the Brewers will be engaged in a Marquee matchup of two UVHL heavyweights when they visit Tuck @ 8:05pm.

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
NDQ	00:00	Goal	Park, Kelly(1)	Assist(s): Marsh, Greg(1)
BRE	00:00	Goal	Bayley, Nick(1)	Assist(s): none
BRE	00:00	Goal	Isaac, Christian(1)	Assist(s): none
BRE	00:00	Goal	Bayley, Nick(1)	Assist(s): none
BRE	00:00	Goal	Bayley, Nick(1)	Assist(s): Isaac, Christian(1)
NDQ	00:00	Goal	Park, Kelly(1)	Assist(s): Phillips, Roger(1) O'Neil, Michael(1)
NDQ	00:00	Penalty	Park, Kelly(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
NDQ	00:00	Penalty	O'Neil, Michael(1)	2 minutes for Interference
NDQ	00:00	Penalty	McDermott, Shawn(1)	2 minutes for Interference
BRE	00:00	Penalty	Hickey, Michael(1)	2 minutes for Interference
BRE	00:00	Penalty	Johnson, Chris(1)	2 minutes for Slashing
BRE	00:00	Penalty	Isaac, Christian(1)	2 minutes for Interference
BRE	00:00	Penalty	Poirier, Garren(1)	2 minutes for Interference

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