THE

UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

Lumberjacks
Whalers
1st
0
1
2rd
0
6
3rd
0
3
FINAL
0
10
Shots
20
41
November 15th, 2023 - 7:55PM
WABA - White River Junction, VT
Pre-Game
Recap
Box Score
Discussion
Game ID: 1453

Whalers are Streakin!!!! Lumberjacks should stick to chopping wood.


The Whalers came off a solid performance last week against a Lumberjacks squad that came off a bye week. The odds makers in Vegas probably had the edge going to the Lumberjacks, but were they ever off base in this one…

The game started with just one ref, Max Woods from the Gamblers, who did a really good job on his own managing the game. There were no shots on net until 11:01 when the ‘Jacks got one through for Tucker to handle. There were many missed nets both wide and over the net and 2 icings by the Whale and 1 by the ‘Jacks. The Whalers had a 2-on-1 with Ean Small and Aidan Boonyaharn streaking down towards the ‘Jacks goal but they missed the net. One job… The shot totals were extremely low 2-1 in favor of the Whalers with 8:33 to go in the first frame. Off-setting roughing minors were assessed to the W’s Christian Scott and the J’s Andrew Miraldi at 5:00. Theo “Mothman” Pupilla was shown his way to the box at 4:42 for a trip putting the Whalers down a man. During the PK Ean Small made good with an unassisted effort for a shorty at 4:05 to add insult to the Lumberjack’s impotent power play. Kelly “Fuckin’” Paaark was sent to the box for interference at 3:47 to give the ‘Jacks another chance with the man advantage, but the Whalers killed off another one, this time with a 5-on-3 for 47 seconds with only one shot generated on the 2-man advantage. Bentley Boonyaharn made a really lackadaisical line change as the Lumberjacks were penetrating the zone fresh off a Viagra boost and some pep in their step. Umm… if I was the coach I’d bench you, dude, and make you skate like the 1980 US Olympic Team in Norway. “Again”. “Again”. “Again”. “Who do you play for?” It sure isn’t “The United States of America!”, that’s for sure. I think you were channeling the Leafs cuz they lead the NHL in Too Many Men On The Ice penalties because if there were two refs youd’a been called for it. There’s absolutely excuse to coast to the bench, eh, not even in the UVie. That shit is reserved for the B and C leagues, not the A-league. Miraldi made his second trip to the box at 1:15 for a hook and the last penalty of this game, believe it or not. The Whalers hit the post behind Libbey’s glove but didn’t score. The shot totals ended 6-5 for the Whale at the end of the first.

The Whalers started off the second with two really quick goals. The first was on the PP at 14:21 with Aidan Boonyaharn getting one from Dan VeNard. I barely had time to write all my shit down when the Whale scored again just 10 SECONDS LATER with Small’s second of the game from Pupilla and DeNard. The Whalers were PUMPED, and the ‘Jacks were in shock. The Whalers came to play tonight and they were playing a complete 200’ game in all 3 zones. This was by far the best I’ve seen them play this season. It’s not that the ‘Jacks were playing poorly… the Whalers were just so good tonight. Legit. I note once again that Woods was doing a really good job as the lone ref. Looks good on ya, bro! Jason “Salt ‘n Peppa” Yehle once again showed his defensive prowess breaking up a Lumberjacks’ advance in the neutral zone. Soon afterwards the ‘Jacks showed they still had some lead in their pencils on a good forecheck and a nice give-‘N-go for a great scoring chance by their star Jordan McGee that was denied by Tucker “My Last Name Is Too Long To Type Ever”. Park was stripped of the puck by Matt Day at the center blue line for an attack by the ‘Jacks but no shot was generated on Tucker on the ensuing 1-on-1. Park got a shot through that was deflected by the L’s D in front at 9:05 assisted by Aidan “I Hustle To The Bench And My Brother Doesn’t” Boonyaharn. We had two fans in the stands and I found out post-game that they were both there for the Whalers! The ‘Jacks had a 2-on-1 and were adeptly stopped by Whalers defender Brandon Chiasson. Our second ref, Will Meyer, showed up at 9:05 to take the pressure off of his Gamblers teammate Woods. The Whale went up 5-0 at 7:09 as Bentley “Lazy Ass” Boonyaharn contributed something other than a head shaking play with a “noice!” finish fed by none other than Kelly “Fuckin’” Paaark. On the very next play the Whale had a 2-on-1 but didn’t generate a shot. One job… However, right after that they scored at 6:46 on DeNard’s third point of the game from nonother than Bentley “I Skate Hard In One Direction” Boonyaharn. What the fuck is a Boonyaharn, anyway? It sounds like something from the English settler days like “Old chap, could you please repair the boonyaharn? My arse is chafing from riding this damn horse and is rather itchy.” Marc Gattie showed his SWEET hands defensively knocking a Whaler’s pass out of mid-air with just ONE HAND on his stick like Randy Moss making a sweet reception in the end zone. Impressive, Marc. Seriously. Put that one on your Instagram, eh! The score was an unbelievable 7-0 at 4:23 with Dan Fenton finding the back of the net from Aidan Boonyaharn on a fuck up 2-on-0 when Fenton missed the net on the first shot but getting the puck back from Aidan “I’m getting really fucking tired of typing Boonyaharn.” The Lumberjacks were no help whatsoever to their goaltender Ryan Libbey on this play. Zero. The ‘Jacks made a nice long pass to Anderson Harris for a good scoring chance and shot, and then the ‘Jacks had two high grade chances but Tucker continued his otherworldly play in the Whalers net. At the very end of the period the Whalers entire 5-man unit made a complete line change with just 7 seconds left on the clock AND with the ‘Jacks advancing. WTF, you guys? Just because you have a 7-goal lead doesn’t mean you give up on your goalie and leave him hanging. Bad form. I’d skate you for that… AGAIN! At the end of the 2nd shots were a dominant 23-11 for the Whalers.

In the 3rd period there was some good D in the Whalers’ end when Park blocked a shot in the slot at 11:52. Like I mentioned earlier, the Whalers brought a complete game tonight (for the most part, documented snafus excepted, of course). The ‘Jacks Tim Patten made a nice poke check to then send the play back up ice in the Whalers’ direction. The Whalers scored yet again at 9:44 on Park’s second of the game on the crucial 8th and go-ahead goal from Small and DeNard as their point tallies continued to rise. Tucker made 2 more nice saves and the shots were 26-15. Fenton was too slow getting out of the offensive zone to prevent teammate Jason Yehle from penetrating the ‘Jacks zone with control of the puck at 7:50. THEN Yehle had a GREAT stick to stop a Lumberjacks chance at the other end to shut down a shot attempt at the blocker side of Tucker taking the puck right off the stick of the ‘Jacks forward. Fenton… I’d fuckin’ skate you, too. AGAIN!!! Get the FUCK outta the zone, dude! Jordan McGee showed why he is one of the UVHL’s all-time best two-way players skating back hard to steal a puck off the Whalers in the slot at 5:04. Then on the next play the Whalers scored off a long pass from DeNard to Pupilla at 4:53 and then AGAIN only 19 seconds later with Small completing the Hatty at 4:24 from Chiasson. Shots were at 30-19 for the Whalers. Tucker made a nice R pad save at 3:20 to keep the shutout alive. Another nice stick by Gattie to prevent a Whalers chance in front was flashed with just 1:21 left to play. Jason “Old Man” “Salt ‘n Peppa” Yehle once again made a great stop in the neutral zone at 0:40 to negate the ‘Jacks advance making a fuckin’ great pass to an open teammate across the ice just a second or two after quickly gathering the puck. Yehle was a beast this entire game and didn’t even get on the scoresheet. We should all be impressed with this defensive juggernaut who makes sure they don’t lose. He kinda reminds me of someone… McDefense circa 2003-2014. Boom. There, I said it. Deal with it. Shots ended 31-20 and the Whalers surprised everyone, even themselves, I think, with a rare 10-0 victory.

MVP?  There can be only one, and there IS only one: Tucker with the shutout for the Whalers. He was clearly their best player and a shutout in men’s league is extremely rare. For a team to play that well defensively and to have their goalie make 31 saves is nothing short of remarkable. Way to fekkin’ go, eh, Tucker! (strong northern Canadian accent) I played very close attention to SOG in this one and the numbers are pretty legit, albeit a little low for most UVHL games.

LVP?  Are the Lumberjacks really that inept without their 6th or 7th best player, co-founder and captain Jay Zaneloni? But I jest… Zaneloni’s absence can’t be counted out in this one. To the Lumberjacks credit, they truly played hard and with good sportsmanship this entire game. They were a class act in an absolute drubbing by the Whalers and had smiles on their faces all the way through the post-game handshake. I was super impressed by the great show of sportsmanship in this game.

The TRUE LVP’s of this game are: EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR HOCKEY PLAYERS NOT SHOWING UP AT APPLEBEE’S POST-GAME. C’mon, guys… really? You played in the early game; you bunch of whiners. I’ve heard it for 20 years: “Wah! The late game is so late! Waaah!” Zero excuses for none of you showing up to the bar after the early game. TUCK showed up after the late game tonight, for fuck’s sake. And for the record, we have just about the best men’s league times in the entire fucking country, let alone North America. The late game ain’t too late. ‘Nuff said. Have a great Thanksgiving with your loved ones, eh! Talk about the UVie around the Thanksgiving table, share the game write-ups uncensored, and we will see you on the 29th.

Respectfully submitted,
McDefense, aka HKYDOC

LEAGUE PICK 'EM
 0%
Lumberjacks
0% 
Whalers
PICKS
THREE STARS

Tucker Garrity-Hanchett

GA: 0
SAVES: 20
SAVE%: 1

Ean Small

GOALS: 3
POINTS: 4

Daniel VeNard

GOALS: 1
POINTS: 5

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