UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

ODDS:	Kings by 4 goals
OVER/UNDER:	12.5 goals

The steaming Storm Kings surely look to sink the sluggish and sloppy play of the shitty Maple Leafs. That's my pre-game. LOVE IT.

McWhistle blows.......18 penalties, in Kingers 5-3 win over Leafs.

In the middle game on this glorious night, the Storm Kings(4-2-1) were hosting the offensively challenged Maple Leafs(1-5-1) in what will be further know in local legend, as McWHISTLE-FEST!!!!!!!! DUNT DUNT DAHHHHHHHH. UVHL Co-Commish & newly striped, level 1, USA Hockey Referree, Shawn McDermott, decided to do the lines for his first USA Hockey event EVER. Veteran referee, Gary "Golden Shower" Laperle decided that he wanted to throw McDeisel to the wolves right off the bat by having him ref a notoriously rough, cheap & oft-penalized Storm Kings game. Looking for some glory, McBuffaloWings happily agreed with visions of quickly moving up the ladder to the NHL on the horizon. Laperle later properly deemed McDermott, "McWhistle".

It only took McD 40 seconds to pull that whistle out of it's hiding place, between the 3rd & 4th fat roll, and call Chris "The best goatee in the U" Gogan for tripping. It only took McBlueCheese another 44 seconds to call Timmy Leroy for tripping. It only took another 64 seconds for McDefense to call little Ronnie "Sprite-like creature" Dupuis for slashing. All in all, McButterFingers called 18 penalties in 45 minutes, pissed off 24 guys & sent Co-Commissioner John "Temper Tantrum" Turner into a rant saying he wanted his name removed from any association with the UVHL, quitting the league, selling his children & burning his business to the ground just because McStripes was calling it like a Mite B game.

That being said, out of the way, in the books, the Maple Leafs went up 1-0 while up by 2 men on the power play. Tommy "Tunnel Vision" Scull had the puck behind his own net on the penalty kill. He made a bunch of nice moves trying to elude the relentless forecheck of the Maple Leafs and fired a puck around the boards trying to clear it out of the zone. Unfortunately, it was a really really weak clear, to the point where Todd "Midget-Mania" Nallette was able to trap it along the boards, walked in a few steps, looked to the center, Scully went to where he was looking, then made a nice pass across the top of the crease to Dougie "Lightweight" Heavysides. Heavy just outwaited Turner to slide across, took his time and easily beat Turner across the grain, high glove. Johnny "Turbo" Thomas cleaned up a Jason "Lots 'O Potential" Loomis rebound with 6:25 remaining in the first to put the Leafs up 2-0. The rest of the period entailed GREAT goaltending by Kenny Lallier, lots of shots by the Kingers, and alot of guys just trying not to touch anyone so that they could stay out of the penalty box.

END OF ONE, Leafs 2-0.
SHOTS: Storm Kings 16, Maple Leafs 12.

The second period picked up where the first left off, McWhistle making calls, guys bitching, guys trying not to breath on one another, etc. It took over 10 minutes for the scoring drought to snap when the Kingers cut the lead in half on the power play. With Joey "Penalty Box Is My Home" Hayes in the box for high sticking, the Kingers clogged up the low slot, giving Marty "Father Time" White, plenty of time to find a wide open Tim Leroy in the mid slot, far side. Lallier, never saw the pass through the screen, leaving Leroy with a wide open net. Leroy struck again, just 1:05 later when Tommy Scull took a jaw breaker shot from the point, hitting Lallier in the shoulder. The puck popped up in the air and dropped right in front of Lallier, who didn't have time to react before Leroy jammed it in.

END OF TWO: Kings 2, Leafs 2.
SHOTS: Kingers 34, Leafs 21.

The Maple Leafs were the first to strike in the third when John Thomas flew down the far boards and around Artie "The One Man Party" Stout, who didn't touch him, fearing to put his team down a man for 2 minutes due to McPowerTrip's iron fisted play calling. Thomas cut across the top of the crease on his back hand and let a dribbler fly, which caught Turner off guard and rolled in through his gaping 5-Holio. The Kings tied the game up at 3 apiece just 53 seconds later when Ian Gill fired a puck through traffic at Lallier, the rebound landed to the right of the net where Robbie "The Price is Right" Barker, roofed a cross bar clanging back hander over Lallier. Dean "Double D's" Cashman put the Kingers up for good with 7:05 remaining, when he picked up a turnover in front of the Leafs net and beat Lallier with a water bottle poppin' wrister to the upper right corner. With 10 seconds left, Timmy Leroy completed the hat trick & put the nail in the coffin with an empty netter.

END OF REGULATION: Kingers 5-3.
SHOTS: Storm Kings 43, Maple Leafs 30

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
WHL	00:00	Goal	Heavisides, Douglas(1)	Assist(s): Nalette, Todd(1) gogan, chris(1)
WHL	00:00	Goal	Thomas, John(1)	Assist(s): Loomis, Jason(1) Hayes, Joe(1)
STK	00:00	Goal	LeRoy, Tim(1)	Assist(s): White, Marty(1) Close, Stu(1)
STK	00:00	Goal	LeRoy, Tim(1)	Assist(s): Scull, Tom(1) Stout, Artie(1)
WHL	00:00	Goal	Thomas, John(1)	Assist(s): Casavant, Sean(1) Hayes, Joe(1)
STK	00:00	Goal	Barker, Rob(1)	Assist(s): Gill, Ian(1) Close, Stu(1)
STK	00:00	Goal	Cashman, Dean(1)	Assist(s): none
STK	00:00	Goal	LeRoy, Tim(1)	Assist(s): Gosselin, Greg(1)
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Gaede, Chuck(1)	2 minutes for Tripping
STK	00:00	Penalty	LeRoy, Tim(1)	2 minutes for Tripping
STK	00:00	Penalty	Dupuis, Ron(1)	2 minutes for Slashing
STK	00:00	Penalty	Fitzgerald, Mike(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Fracht-Monroe, Liam(1)	2 minutes for Tripping
STK	00:00	Penalty	Stout, Artie(1)	2 minutes for Tripping
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Bouthillier, David(1)	2 minutes for Holding
STK	00:00	Penalty	Barker, Rob(1)	2 minutes for Interference
STK	00:00	Penalty	Peraza, Dan(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Loomis, Jason(1)	2 minutes for Holding
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Hayes, Joe(1)	2 minutes for High Sticking
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Nalette, Todd(1)	2 minutes for Interference
STK	00:00	Penalty	Barker, Rob(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
STK	00:00	Penalty	Scull, Tom(1)	2 minutes for Body Checking
STK	00:00	Penalty	Barker, Rob(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Casavant, Sean(1)	2 minutes for Tripping
WHL	00:00	Penalty	Gaede, Chuck(1)	2 minutes for Slashing
STK	00:00	Penalty	Stout, Artie(1)	2 minutes for Interference

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Game Comments:
hkydoc WRJ, VT Registered: Jan 2004 Posts: 517	McWhistle approves this message! Dec 3rd, 2007 12:36 PM Absolutely HILARIOUS, Park! Great job on the write-up, eh! Don't worry, I won't be giving up my day job...McWhistle-fest is officially over.