UPPER VALLEY HOCKEY LEAGUE

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Dr. McSelfish Nick Bayley gets an assist against Potter on Dec 5th!

Considering he only has less than 1 assist per game and he is leading the league in scoring, I think it is pretty important that Nick "Dr. McSelfish" Bayley lead the human interest story inside this compelling season for the Avalanche. I actually interviewed several of McSelfish's ex-girlfriends online via their website, www.selfishfuckingbastard.ca, and they all said the same thing: that he had a great hammer but he never cared about their satisfaction, not even once, and that it was all about him.

Bayley seems destined to be a plastic surgeon in Hollywood with 21 goals and 8 assists in 9 UVHL appearances at the halfway point of the season. Maybe Bayley just hasn't met his other half, his soulmate, who will balance out his yin and yang and teach him about sharing, and caring. How can they be so insensitive talking smack about their former boy toy who graced them with his mere presence? Don't they know that a real hockey star doesn't have time to devote to anything but himself? C'mon, ladies, give the man a break! Between you and me busting on him non-stop, how is he ever going to have time to focus on breast implants and liposuction?

Whatever your opinions might be on the UVHL's leading scorer, have it be known that he is truly (and I'm not making this part up, unlike the first half of this article that is at least 37% true) one of the best talents this league has ever seen in its 4-year history, AND he is doing it in the very best UVHL season yet when the talent and teams are deeper, the game is faster, and is winning head-to-head against Coakley, Meyer, Hogg, Park and Turco. Now THAT is impressive. Way to go, Nick! Great first half (you selfish bastard!)!

The first shift of the game resulted in a penalty to Potter center Dan McGee who got lazy and used his stick instead of his feet to catch an Av forward on a backcheck in the neutral zone, and McGee received 2 for hooking at 14:06. I'm sure not having played enough yet this season factored into the penalty, and McGee found his legs later in the game, and kept up with Bayley and Isaac and was really the only player to match them for speed and skill. Bayley got a selfish goal, unassisted, definitely not a give-and-go, at 3:41 of the first to start the scoring after both goalies were tested several times. Chris Johnson broke his scoring drought at 2:13 keeping the momentum clearly with the Avalanche from linemate Al Sorrentino. Bayley's line assisted on his second goal, the eventual game winner, as assists went to Christian Isaac and Jay Campion at 12:51 of the second period. Kevin Guilbault went to the Potter penalty box for hooking at 11:56, but Potter killed it off, and the Bayley goal was the only goal of the period. Avs D Tom Fallon went to the sin bin at 7:06 for hooking, but the Avs killed it off.

In the third, Potter's attack came to life, but it was to little avail as they tied the period with the Avs 2 goals apiece. Gilly got an early goal for Potter, just like it was planned in between periods by an inspirtional speech by Tom Crapser, at 14:19 from McGee and McDermott after a low one-timer that was going wide by McDermott was deflected towards the net by former college soccer player McGee's skate in the high slot and banged home by Guilbault after Bartline found himself suddenly out of position, albeit briefly. Potter was back in the game, but McDermott made a risky pass to a streaking Crapser in his own end that was anticipated and stolen by Isaac for a goal, and somehow assisted by McSelfish Bayley (ASSIST ALERT! ASSIST ALERT! ASSIST ALERT!), and that was the backbreaker, caused by the chiropractor, at the hands of two future medical doctors. Fuck me. However, in this game Bayley and Isaac were a combined 0-for-5 against McDermott 1-on-1 tonight, and Fat Bastard had already played a game earlier that night and appeared in relief for Potter. If it wasn't for his give-away to Isaac for his third period goal, he might have had a perfect game against his countrymen and future colleagues. Too bad McDermott can't even buy a goal to make up for his defensive gaffe! (This is even funnier if you realize that he pays the refs each night - I love self-humiliating humor!). Johnson added a sweet goal on a deke around a sprawling and outstretched Obar with 2:54 to go from Brian Walsh and Sean McCabe. Gino Riffle reduced the insult by scoring a goal for Potter pride with 23 seconds to go from Bruce Hathorn on a screened wrister from the point that beat Bartline up high. If only we knew this glaring weakness earlier!

 

Team:	Time:	Type:	Player:	Details:
BRE	00:00	Goal	Bayley, Nick(1)	Assist(s): none
BRE	00:00	Goal	Johnson, Chris(1)	Assist(s): Sorrentino, Alfonse(1)
BRE	00:00	Goal	Bayley, Nick(1)	Assist(s): Campion, James(1) Isaac, Christian(1)
PTR	00:00	Goal	Guilbault, Kevin(1)	Assist(s): McGee, Dan(1) McDermott, Shawn(1)
BRE	00:00	Goal	Isaac, Christian(1)	Assist(s): Bayley, Nick(1)
BRE	00:00	Goal	Johnson, Chris(1)	Assist(s): Sorrentino, Alfonse(1) McCabe, Sean(1)
PTR	00:00	Goal	Riffle, Gino(1)	Assist(s): Hathorn, Bruce(1)
PTR	00:00	Penalty	McGee, Dan(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
PTR	00:00	Penalty	Guilbault, Kevin(1)	2 minutes for Hooking
BRE	00:00	Penalty	Fallon, Tom(1)	2 minutes for Hooking

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